


A Blast from the Past

by neuewayve



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-07 18:07:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12846642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neuewayve/pseuds/neuewayve
Summary: Serena thought her and Bernie would be together forever but a phone call from thousands of miles away changed that. Eight years later Bernie is blown back to Holby and working at St James’ when she receives an unexpected phone call from her ex.





	1. The Question

Serena always tried her best to finish work on time, to be home and cook dinner for her daughter but it wasn’t easy, running a ward, being deputy CEO of a hospital and raising a daughter alone. If it weren’t for the help and support of her mother she wouldn’t have coped, wouldn’t have managed to be both a mother and a successful surgeon.

It was one of the rare days where she managed to be home at a reasonable time, able to enjoy a meal with her daughter. Able to spend some quality time with her rather than rushing home after a stressful day and having very little time before putting her to bed. They’d finished dinner and Ellie was sat at the kitchen table doing homework while Serena finished clearing away the dinner things. “Mum?” Elinor asked in that way children do when they want something, leading Serena to believe it was going to be the ‘can I have a puppy’ conversation once again. 

“Yes Ellie.” Serena replied warily.

“At school, we’re learning about genetics,” Ellie explained and Serena was grateful it wasn’t the topic she was expecting, didn’t have the energy for the same argument. “and how we get traits from both our parents.” Serena stopped what she was doing to give her daughter her full attention, beginning to wish it was the puppy conversation as she realised where this one was going. “I want to know about my dad. Do I look like him?” 

Serena thought what to say for a moment, how best to answer her question; although she knew Ellie would one day ask, she wasn’t prepared for that day to be today. “I don’t know.” she replied weakly, realising as the words left her mouth that probably wasn’t the best way to start.

Understandably this was met by a confused look from Elinor. “What? You don’t remember what he looked like?”

“No, it’s not that I don’t remember, Ellie.” She hesitated before telling her carefully, “You don’t have a Dad.” This did very little to help Elinor’s confusion, her mind awash with even more questions now.

Serena let out a breath; realising this wasn’t going well she’d have to rethink her approach, perhaps start at the beginning. But what’s appropriate to tell your eight year old daughter? And how much would she even understand? She moved over to take a seat next to Ellie and, after a few steadying breaths, decided it would be best for all involved just to be honest.

Serena began to explain, “I was in a committed relationship with someone I was very much in love with, Bernie.”

“But Bernie’s not my Dad?” Elinor interrupts, wanting confirmation.

“Not exactly, no.” After a slight hesitation Serena continued, “Bernie’s a woman.” She paused, expecting some sort of reaction from Elinor at the revelation that her mum had been in a relationship with a woman, but no, nothing, so she continued, “Bernie was in the army, we’d been together a long time and had discussed starting a family.” 

“So… I have two mums?” Elinor asked, interrupting Serena once more. She simply nodded in response, a nervous smile playing on her lips, anxious to know her daughter’s thoughts.

Elinor sat quietly, processing the information. From what little knowledge she had on the subject of reproduction, she did know that it took a man and a woman to create a baby and she was struggling to see how it was possible to have two mums. “You need a man though, don’t you? To make a baby?” she asked, seemingly unfazed and totally unembarrassed by the personal nature of the question. 

Unlike Serena who felt the flush creeping up her neck as she struggled to answer, “Er yes it’s true that you need um… _something_ that only men can produce to make a baby.” She pauses, thinks how best to word this, “There are ways, uh medical procedures that women can have to make a baby without a man being…” she pauses once again, takes in a breath as she searches for the right word, winces slightly as she says it, “… _physically_...involved.” 

“And that’s what you did? How you made me?” 

Serena exhaled with a smile and nodded, glad Ellie hadn’t asked her to elaborate on any of the details. She went on, “Bernie went away on tour and I thought, well I thought it would be a nice surprise for her when she came home.” Serena sighed, casting her eyes down she added with a hint of sadness in her voice, “I thought it was what she wanted.” 

“But it wasn’t what she wanted?” Elinor asked quietly, her eyes filling with tears at the realisation of what that meant. “She didn’t want me?” 

At the sound of Elinor’s sniffles Serena scooted her chair closer, took hold of her daughter’s hands and told her quickly and without uncertainty, “No darling, it’s not that she didn’t want you. She didn’t…” she stops, corrects herself, “ _doesn’t_ know about you.” Serena worries that Elinor might hate her for making that decision, for not allowing Bernie to be part of her life but she needs to be honest, doesn’t want Ellie thinking Bernie abandoned her. “After she told me she wasn’t coming home, I made the decision not to tell her. To raise you alone.” 

Elinor remained quiet, thought for a moment. “So she still doesn’t know about me?” Serena simply shook her head, guilt and sadness in her eyes. “Do you think…” Elinor started slowly, unsure how to ask. She didn’t want to hurt her mum’s feelings, for her to think she’s not enough for her. “Do you think, maybe, I could… meet her, would that be okay?”

“Oh darling.” Serena breathes out, she knew that it was very much a possibility when she told her that she’d want to meet her other mother. “Of course it’s okay, if that’s what you want.”

“Do you think she’ll want to meet me?” Elinor asked tentatively, her words full of hope.

Serena didn’t know the answer to that, hopes for Elinor’s sake that Bernie will want to, that she won’t hold Serena’s decision against their daughter. “Honestly sweetheart… I don’t know.” Elinor’s gaze dropped to the table, her disappointment that this woman, Bernie, might not want to meet her evident in her actions. Serena placed a comforting hand on her cheek, quickly assuring her, “But I’ll do my best, okay?” Elinor met her gaze with a small grateful smile and allowed her mum to pull her in for a hug. “Now come on, let’s get you to bed.”

As Serena tucked Elinor into bed, she looked up to her mum, spoke in a similar wanting tone she used earlier, “Mummy.” Serena met her daughter’s gaze and Ellie continued. “What’s she like? Bernie.”

Serena settled herself on the edge of Elinor’s bed and began, “She’s,” Serena thought for a moment, wasn’t sure what to tell her. Didn’t want to build her up to be this amazing woman only to have her say she didn’t want anything to do with Ellie. “She’s a brilliant surgeon, one of the best in the country.” 

“Like you?” Ellie asked with a proud smile that lit up her face.

Serena chuckled lightly, leaning in closer to whisper secretively, “Maybe even better than me.” Earning a bright smile from her daughter.

“What does she look like?”

Gorgeous was the first word that popped into Serena’s head but not one that was entirely appropriate to share with her daughter. “Uh Ellie, it’s been eight years.” Serena tells her, playing it off that she can’t remember even though she can still picture her perfectly, recall every detail of her beautiful body. “Besides she’s probably changed in that time.” Serena adds even though she’s kept an eye on her career and her appearance over the years, purely for professional reasons.

Ellie wasn’t giving up; she wanted to know, “Tell me how you remember her. How she looked the last time you saw her.”

Serena let out a sigh and gave in to Ellie’s pleading with a fairly vague description. “She’s about my height, slim, blonde hair, brown eyes.” She trailed off as her mind wandered, recalling Bernie’s gorgeous, deep, rich brown eyes. Eyes she could easily lose herself in, often did.

Elinor’s voice broke her from her thoughts, “Do you have photos?” 

“I’m sure I do somewhere.” she tells her, knowing full well she does and exactly where they are. “I’ll have a look at the weekend. See if I can find some. Now come on, sleep.” Serena stands, straightens out the duvet where she’d been sat and leant over to kiss her daughter’s forehead. “Night darling. Sleep tight.”

“G’night Mum.” Ellie cuddled down as Serena made her way across the room. She came to a stop in the doorway, was reaching out for the light switch when a slightly muffled voice said, “I love you.”

Serena turned to look back at her daughter, now barely visible as she’d burrowed down under the duvet, could just see a mop of light brown hair. She smiled to herself, “I love you too.” She flicked the light off and closed the door down before making her way down the stairs.

Serena settled herself on the sofa, relaxing back into the plump cushions, a glass of wine in hand, allowing her mind to wander back to the day Bernie had called. “I want something better for you.” She had listened to Bernie’s words, absentmindedly stroking her stomach. Bernie broke Serena’s heart and in that moment she made the decision, if she wasn’t what Bernie wanted then she would do this alone. 

Of course over the years Serena often thought back to that phone call, worried she’d made the wrong decision; thought perhaps she should’ve given Bernie the choice but what choice had Bernie given her.


	2. The Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the lovely comments and kudos on the first chapter. I hope you continue to enjoy =D

Having spent the afternoon in theatre, Serena and Raf were sat having a well-earned coffee in Serena’s office. “I er had an interesting and somewhat difficult conversation with Ellie last night.” Serena began, gaining Raf’s attention, “She was asking about her dad.” 

“Oh.” he said in surprise, meeting Serena’s gaze. “What did you tell her?”

“The truth. That she doesn’t have a dad but she has another mother.” A fact that Raf was aware of, one she’d shared with him late one night as they sat polishing off a second bottle of wine on the floor of her office.

“How’d she take it?” Raf asked, concern in his voice. He’d grown close to Serena over the couple of years he’d worked on AAU and was also extremely fond of Ellie.

“Surprisingly well actually,” Something Serena still found hard to believe, how readily Ellie had accepted what she’d been told. Serena sighed before adding, “She wants to meet her.”

“So,” he hesitated slightly then asked, “are you gonna find her?” 

“Yeah.” she replied distantly, lost in her thoughts as she fiddled with the pendant round her neck. She brought her focus back to the conversation, “Well… it shouldn’t be too difficult.” At Raf’s quizzical look Serena informed him, somewhat hesitantly, knowing it would cause a reaction. “She’s Bernie Wolfe.”

Raf’s eyes widened in surprise, in her drunken state on the floor that night she hadn’t revealed who the woman in question was. “Major Berenice Wolfe?” he questioned in disbelief and Serena simply nodded in response, “World renowned trauma surgeon, Bernie Wolfe?” 

Serena rolled her eyes, taking in a sharp breath. “Yes Raf.” she replied forcefully, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Raf offered an apologetic smile before cautiously asking, checking his hazy memory was correct, “And she doesn’t know?” Serena looked up to him with sorrowful eyes, shaking her head. A moment passed, Raf’s voice broke the contemplative silence recalling something he’d heard. “She’s working at St James’ isn’t she?” Serena hummed and nodded in response. “So give her a call.” Raf suggested nonchalantly.

Serena met Raf’s gaze, tilted her head to the side, a disbelieving look on her face, “Just like that?” Raf shrugged as if it was nothing. “It’s not that easy, Raf. It’s been eight years.” 

“And you’ve probably been rehearsing that very conversation for all of those eight years.” Raf stated knowingly and was confirmed by Serena looking down shyly. “Thought so. Now go on.” Raf pointedly looked at the phone. “No time like the present.”

Serena took a couple of steadying breaths, staring at the phone as she thought about it. She realised Raf was right, the longer she put it off, the more time she had to think about it, the harder it would be; so she reached out for the phone. Raf took this as his cue to leave, wanting to give her some privacy but as he started to rise from where he was perched on her desk Serena asked him to stay, wanted him there for support.

Picking up the receiver she dialled St James’ number and asked to be put through to Ms Wolfe. When the operator asked who was calling she panicked, used Raf’s surname, “It’s Dr di Lucca from Holby City.” causing Raf to look to her with a puzzled expression. Serena placed her hand over the mouth piece whilst waiting for the call to connect, explaining to Raf, “I couldn’t give my name, what if she doesn’t want to speak to me? I can’t fail at the first hurdle.” He responded with an understanding smile as she lowered her hand to her chest, her fingers once again finding her pendant.

There was a click on the line and then a voice, oh that voice. “Hello, Ms Wolfe speaking.”

Serena froze at hearing the familiar voice after all these years, just about managed to squeak out a meagre 'hello' before falling silent, the conversation she'd run through in her mind hundreds of times suddenly forgotten.

Bernie waited, listened for the voice on the other end of the phone to continue but there was nothing but silence, “Hello?” 

“S-sorry.” she stuttered out before making herself known, “It’s Serena.” She paused expecting a response, before realising that perhaps she should elucidate, “Serena McKinnie.” The words came out questioningly; suddenly nervous and unsure Bernie would even remember her.

“Serena.” Bernie breathed out her name fondly, memories of the woman that was once hers flooding back into her consciousness. A moment passed until she spoke again, her surprise at hearing Serena’s voice left her at a loss for words. “Hi.” 

“Hi.” Serena replied almost dreamily, a faint smile on her lips, lost in the way Bernie had said her name. Feeling Raf’s eyes on her she cleared her throat ready to explain, “Sorry for calling out of the blue like this, it’s just-” She thought for a moment, this isn’t something she can explain over the phone, she felt she at least owed it to her to tell her in person, which is more than Bernie had done. “I was wondering,” she hesitated, glanced at Raf and received a nod of encouragement. Taking in a deep breath she allowed the words to tumble out before she could change her mind, “I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee sometime.”

Serena was prepared to wait anxiously for an answer, allow Bernie the time to think about it but her reply came almost instantly. “Sure. I’d love to.” 

“Really?” she asked in surprise, not expecting Bernie to respond quite so quickly and surely. “Okay, good.” A shaky, relieved breath left Serena’s lips, she’d agreed, seemed keen even but now what? 

Before Serena could even think about making arrangements Bernie suddenly spoke, startling her slightly, “My shift finished a few minutes ago, I’m free now if…” She started out strongly only to trail off, suddenly nervous that it may be too much too soon for Serena.

“Oh, erm…” A little taken aback by Bernie’s suggestion and unsure what to say she looked to Raf once again, mouthed out the word ‘tonight’. He shrugged, leaving the decision up to her, not wanting to push her into something she wasn’t ready for. 

Bernie waited anxiously on the other end of the phone, regretting her suggestion even more for every second Serena remained quiet.

Serena’s gaze shifted to the framed photo of her and Ellie that sat on her desk, taking in a breath she finally gave Bernie her answer, “My shift ends in twenty minutes. Do you know the little coffee shop by the park?” At Bernie’s hum of affirmation Serena continued. “I can meet you there in…” she paused, looked at her watch, “…forty five minutes?”

“Okay, I’ll see you then, Serena.” Bernie says softly and there it was again that all too familiar way she purrs her name. 

“You will. Bye Bernie.” 

Hanging up the phone panic washed over her at the realisation that this was really happening; she’ll be seeing Bernie in less than an hour. “Oh God I look a mess, why did I wear this blouse today, it’s hideous.” She despairingly ran a hand over her forehead; her finger’s trailing into her hair causing another thought to cross her mind, “Oh and my hair-” 

Raf’s chuckle interrupted her from her rambling worries. “Serena you’re being ridiculous, you look great. You'll be fine.” he told her earnestly, reaching out to place a comforting hand over her own. Serena exhaled in an effort to calm her nerves, to relax, she held Raf’s gaze as he told her, “Just remember, you’re doing this for Ellie.”


	3. The One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments. Lovin' the love for this crazy idea...just hope I don't disappoint =/

“Who’s Serena?” A voice came from behind Bernie, startling her out of her thoughts; she turned to see Dom leafing through a file casually.

“How long have you been standing there?” Bernie asked curiously, wondering how much he’d heard.

“Long enough.” he said looking up from the file with a playful smile. “So… who is she?” 

“She’s no one.” At Bernie’s shrugged off response he gave her a disbelieving look. She rolled her eyes knowing Dom wouldn’t let this go, “Okay. She was someone… once.” Dom put the file down and took a seat, sensing there was a story he made himself comfortable. “Don’t you have patients to see Dr Copeland?” 

“None that can’t wait. So come on Major, spill.” 

Although Dom liked to gossip, Bernie knew she could trust him, he’d become a loyal friend the short time they’d worked together. She began to fill him in on the mystery woman, keeping it fairly brief as she didn’t have long before she had to be across town to meet Serena. Dom sat quietly listening to the bullet pointed history of their relationship when suddenly he interrupted excitedly, “Wait, it’s her isn’t it?” Bernie furrowed her brow in confusion. “The one you talk about when you get maudlin after one too many whiskeys, the one that got away.”

Bernie took in a breath, a regretful longing in her eyes as she told him softly, “Very much the one.” Remembering herself she continued to explain about the phone call and how Serena wants to see her.

Dom looked at her curiously, finding it strange how casual Bernie was about this, “Okay, so your ex just calls you after however many years asking to see you and you just agree?” Bernie shrugged not seeing what Dom was getting at, what the big deal was. “You’re not at all curious as to why?” 

Until now she hadn’t really thought about the reason for the phone call, hadn’t had time to, and if she was honest she didn’t really care, she was just pleased to hear from her but what Dom said got her thinking. Why had Serena called? Why now?

Dom left her to her thoughts for a moment but sensing she was now over thinking and starting to worry, he asked in his teasing, playful tone, “When is this coffee date taking place?”

“It’s not a date.” she informed him firmly, receiving a pointed look in response which she ignored. “And I’m meeting her after her shift finishes,” She glanced up at the clock before gathering her things from the desk, “in about half an hour so I’ve got to get moving.” She then proceeded to make her way to the door.

Dom could hardly contain his surprise, “What? Tonight?” But Bernie didn’t hang around to answer any more questions. “I want all the details Monday.” he called after her as she headed off towards the locker room. “Well maybe not _all_ the details.” Bernie shot him a look over her shoulder before disappearing through the door.

She’d changed out of scrubs, was sat on the bench gathering her thoughts, preparing herself to see Serena after so many years. Her mind wandered back to the last time she’d seen her, or had hoped to.

It had been just over a month since she’d made the phone call to Serena, she was back in the country and had arranged to collect her things from their, no, from Serena’s house. Expecting Serena to answer the door she was disappointed to be greeted by a steely faced Adrienne, Serena’s mother. Even more disappointed when she was told Serena didn’t want to see her. She had hoped she’d be able to explain face to face her reasoning’s but after being told ‘no’ she didn’t push, simply went about loading up the car under the watchful eye of Adrienne. 

On her last trip to the house she picked up the final box, tucking it under one arm she made her way to the door. Adrienne followed, ready to close it behind her but Bernie came to a stop in the doorway, her free hand toying with something in her pocket, unsure whether to produce it or not. 

After a moment’s thought she turned back, pulled out an envelope and held it out to Adrienne. “Could you give this to Serena for me?” Adrienne eyed the envelope but made no move to take it. “Please?” Bernie added with imploring eyes and Adrienne reluctantly reached out to take hold of it, receiving a small thankful smile from Bernie before she turned and made her way down the path.

Having put the box in the boot she turned to look back at the house, her home. Looking up at what was their bedroom window her eyes caught sight of Serena as she darted back from the window and out of sight. Huffing out a breath she made her way round the car and into the driver’s seat, taking a couple of steadying breaths before pulling away and driving off down the road. 

Bernie’s thoughts returned to the present and what Dom had said. Serena didn’t want to see her eight years ago, so why does she now? Taking in a deep breath she stood from the bench telling herself, “Only one way to find out.”


	4. The Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it is, what you’ve all been waiting for…the first part anyway =p

The nearer Serena got to the coffee shop the more anxious she became. Reminding herself she was doing this for Ellie was helping to calm her nerves but then a thought crossed her mind. What if, after having time to think, Bernie had changed her mind, decided she didn’t want to see Serena. Reaching out to push open the door she discovered her fears were unfounded because there was Bernie, looking exactly the same as she did all those years ago, her hair a little shorter but still as gorgeous as she remembers, and she can’t help but smile wistfully.

Bernie was sat nervously at a table in the corner, absentmindedly stirring her coffee, casting the occasional nervous glance at her watch. The bell above the door chimed, breaking her from her worries that Serena wouldn’t show, that she may have changed her mind. She cast her gaze across the room to see Serena walking through the door, walking back into her life and she can’t help but smile at the sight.

As Serena neared the table Bernie stood to greet her but was unsure what a suitable greeting would be for someone she was once shared her life with and hadn’t seen for so many years. She decided against physical contact, went instead with a slightly nervous smile and a shy ‘hi’. Serena mirrored the greeting, equally as shy and nervous. They stood awkwardly before Bernie gestured to the chair opposite hers, telling Serena, “Have a seat.” Internally berating herself as the words came out a little too formally, as if she were meeting an applicant for a job. 

Once they were both seated, and following another slightly awkward moment of silence, Bernie asked, “Would you like a coffee?” 

“Well, it is a coffee shop.” Serena deadpanned causing Bernie to breathe out a laugh, easing the awkward tension that hung between.

Bernie decided to take a risk to try and ease the tension further by asking a, hopefully, familiar suggestive question, “Still like it strong and hot?” Serena’s sparkling eyes met Bernie’s, a smile playing on her lips, the risk paid off.

The waitress approached the table and without thinking Bernie ordered for them both, “A double shot latte and can I get a refill? Thanks.” Serena looked from the waitress to Bernie, impressed and slightly surprised she remembered her coffee order. It was strange that after eight years they seemed to just slip back into an ease with each other.

Once the waitress had gone Bernie returned her attention to Serena and, noticing the way she was looking at her, realised what she’d done and was quick to apologise, “Oh sorry, did you want something else. I can call her back if-”

“No, no it’s fine, thank you.” Serena assured her with a fond smile, their eyes lingering.

Bernie was the first to look away, shifting her gaze down to where her hands rested on the table. “I’ve uh… I’ve often thought about you since I’ve been back, wondered if you were still local.” Her eyes drifted up to Serena’s cropped hair. “If you’ve changed much. It suits you.” Bernie complimented whilst fighting the urge to reach out a run her fingers through it.

Serena thanked her shyly, instinctively moving her hand up to smooth down the hair at the nape of her neck. “You haven’t changed a bit.” 

A soft bark of laughter escaped Bernie’s throat, “A few more battle scars.” 

“Yeah I er… I heard about the IED.” Serena said sympathetically, her eyes shifting to where she could just make out the faint, silvery scar protruding from Bernie’s shirt. 

Bernie shrugged, brushing off Serena’s concern. “Nearly six months ago now.” The all too familiar silence fell between them again and Bernie decided to take the opportunity to address the elephant in the room; the break up. “You know calling you that day, telling you I wasn’t coming home to you, was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“Yeah it wasn’t that easy for me either having to hear it.” Serena scoffed, looking anywhere but at Bernie, the awkward tension returning to the conversation.

Bernie knew this wouldn’t be easy, knew that Serena wouldn’t make it easy, but she felt she had to explain now she was able to in person. “I wanted you to be with someone who was there for you, someone you could raise a family with like you wanted.” 

“It would’ve been nice to have a say in that decision you made for both us.” Bernie looked down to the table at Serena’s cutting words, that familiar feeling of guilt and regret she’d often felt over the years washed over her once again. Only this time, with Serena sat opposite where she was able to see the pain and hurt, she felt it all the more.

Seeing the sorrow in Bernie’s eyes Serena quickly apologised, realised she had no right to be so hard on her because she was guilty of doing the same thing herself. Bernie offered a weak smile in acceptance of the apology and Serena decided it was now her turn to be straight with Bernie. Taking in a breath in an attempt to calm her nerves she began hesitantly, “So the reason I called.” She paused, wanting to be sure she had Bernie’s full attention before continuing, “Er, my daughter, she’s-” 

Bernie’s eyes met Serena’s, a soft smile forming. “You have a daughter?” she interrupted to ask, delight evident in her tone.

“Yeah, Elinor. Ellie.” Serena informed her fondly, went on to continue but Bernie beat her to it.

“That’s brilliant.” Bernie’s smile widened, genuinely pleased for Serena.

“Yeah, thanks.” Serena returned the smile but couldn’t help think this would be easier without Bernie’s interruptions. Gathering her thoughts, she continued on once again, “She’s learning about genetics at school and, as was always the plan when she asked about her-” 

Bernie interrupted once again to ask, “How old is she?”

“Er.” Serena felt panic rising in her chest, knowing that once she tells her, she would work out the timing, get the wrong impression. She was hoping to explain properly but now the question was out there and Bernie was looking at her, waiting for an answer. Serena couldn’t maintain eye contact; finding a particularly interesting coffee stain on the table she eventually replied, her voice barely more than a whisper. “She’s er… she’s eight.” 

Bernie’s pleasant smile faded, giving way to a frown of confusion as she looked to Serena expectantly, searching for clarification. The waitress appeared with their coffees, taking her time to place them down on the table, taking her time to ask if she could get them anything else. Bernie was brusque, told her, “No, thank you.” anxious to continue the halted conversation with Serena.

“Eight?” Bernie finally questioned once the waitress had left them. “So you had her in 2009?” _That can’t be possible_ she thinks but Serena nodded weakly in confirmation, her eyes still not meeting Bernie’s. “But it was August of 2009 that I…” she thinks for a moment, how can she phrase it, “…made the phone call. How... I mean unless you had the fastest pregnancy known to man you must’ve be carrying her when–“ she stopped abruptly at the realisation, “Okay, so you…” she breathed out a humourless laugh. “There was me beating myself up thinking I’d made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go. Letting you get on with your life and you already had, you’d already moved on.”

Serena looked up to meet Bernie’s eyes, began trying to explain, “No, Bernie. Listen it’s not what you think–” 

But Bernie wouldn’t listen, “Oh really, it seems pretty clear to me. All these years I thought about you, wondered if I made the right decision.” She took a calming breath trying to quell her anger to tell Serena sincerely, “I was so pleased to get your call, Serena…and then you tell me this. Why? Why now?” She asked the question but didn’t allow Serena to answer. “I was quite happy going through life without the knowledge that the love of my life cheated on me.” 

Both women were seemingly unaware or simply unwilling to acknowledge Bernie’s words. After a moment of strained silence, Bernie started to pat at her pockets in search of something. Finding what she was looking for she informed Serena curtly, “I need a cigarette.” Bernie rose from the table and made her way to the door, leaving Serena to slump back in her chair. Letting out an exhausted sigh, she sat alone thinking _this wasn’t how it was supposed to go_ and wondering if Bernie was going to come back.


	5. The Explanation

After several minutes of waiting Serena was ready to give up, Bernie obviously wasn’t prepared to listen, wasn’t planning on coming back. She glanced out through the windows to see if she could catch sight of her but there was no sign. As she prepared herself to leave, taking one final sip of her latte, her phone buzzed on the table. It was a text from Elinor, the reason she was sat here, the reason she was doing this. She decided to give Bernie a few more minutes for Ellie’s sake. 

Serena was typing out a reply to her daughter when she felt a presence pass by. Looking up she was surprised to see Bernie returning to the seat opposite, appearing slightly calmer from the much needed nicotine hit but still standoffish. As she placed her phone back on the table, Serena felt the need to explain who she was texting, “Ellie. Wanting to know when I’ll be home.” 

“Don’t let me keep you.” Bernie mumbled churlishly as she took hold of her coffee and brought it up to her lips.

Serena let out an exasperated sigh. She’d been relieved that Bernie returned; hopeful that she was ready to listen, to allow her the chance to explain. This clearly wasn’t the case judging by Bernie’s attitude but Serena wasn’t about to give up, knew she had to try to make Bernie understand. Not just for Ellie but for her and Bernie too. “Look Bernie, it’s really not what you think.” 

Bernie scoffs, “So you didn’t shag some bloke while I was away on tour and get pregnant by him?” 

“No.” Serena tells her earnestly and receives a look of disbelief from Bernie, “Not exactly.” Bernie rolled her eyes, huffed out an indignant breath and looked anywhere but at Serena. “Bernie.” Serena’s voice was soft as she tried to get her attention, but Bernie ignored her, just stared down at her hands looking completely disinterested in anything Serena had to say. “Bernie,” she tried again, imploring her to listen, “please let me explain.” 

Bernie looked up, indicating she was listening, reluctantly ready for Serena to begin. Taking in a breath, Serena decided to start back at the beginning, “So like I was saying, Ellie’s learning about genetics.” Bernie gave a puzzled expression, as if to say _what’s that got to do with me._ Serena went on to explain what had happened, how she’d wanted to surprise her, tell her she was going to be a mum when she came home. “I know biologically she’s not yours and, maybe it’s just some romantic notion in my head but… I conceived her with the thought of us being a family, of you being her mum and when she asked about her dad, I told her about you because in my mind you’ve always been her second parent.” Serena paused, giving Bernie a moment to process what she’d just heard before continuing, “I understand if you don’t feel like you’re her mum or even want to be but-” 

Bernie interrupted to state flatly, “You’re giving me the option.” Serena nodded in response. “Eight years too late don’t you think?” She regretted the words the moment they left her lips, didn’t need to see the hurt in Serena’s eyes to know she shouldn’t have said it. Bernie went on to ask in a softer tone, “Why didn’t you tell me? That day I called.” 

“You’d just dumped me, I was in shock. I didn’t think…” she stopped, not really knowing where she was going with that statement. “I just didn’t think. Having my heart broken like that it was…” she sighed, could feel herself getting upset and she knew it wasn’t about her or her feelings, it wasn’t about blaming Bernie or going over the past, it was about Elinor. “Look, I know it’s a lot to take in and I am truly sorry.” 

She’d said everything she wanted to, all she could; now it was down to Bernie. Serena took hold of a napkin, jotted her number down and pushed it across the table to the blonde. “That’s my number. It’s up to you if you want to meet her.” Serena gathered her things and stood ready to leave but before she did she turned back to Bernie to say, “Don’t let any ill feeling you have towards me and my decision influence your decision to get to know your daughter.” There were no goodbyes; Serena simply gave Bernie a small, hopeful smile before turning and heading towards the door. 

_My daughter_ Bernie repeats whimsically in her mind. “Serena, wait.” Serena turned to see the blonde catching up to her, “You’re right. I can’t take it out on Elinor, blame her for your decision.” Bernie paused, looked deep within Serena’s eyes to tell her with sincerity, “But I don’t blame you either.” And it was true; she didn’t blame Serena, not fully. Bernie felt she was as much to blame, that she caused Serena to make the split second decision in a moment of heartache. Granted, she’d had eight years to change her mind, to tell her about Ellie but Bernie didn’t want to think about that, didn’t want to waste any more time with blame and regret, especially when she knows how short life can be.

So, without a second thought, she made a suggestion, all be it a rather stuttering, rambling one, “M-Maybe… I could come back with you. I mean if it’s okay with you and if you don’t think it’ll be too much… or too soon.” Serena was taken aback by this, hadn’t expected Bernie to be so accepting. It obviously showed in her face because Bernie, worried she’d overstepped the mark, began to backtrack, “It’s probably too soon, you’ll need to talk to Ellie. Sorry I shouldn’t have-”

Serena interrupted her rambling, “No, no it’s okay. It’s just… are you sure? I mean, you don’t need more time to think about it?”

“I think we’ve wasted enough time, don’t you.” Bernie said lightly and Serena took it in the way it was meant, knew from her tone it wasn't said with any ill feeling. “Besides, the more time I have to think about it, the more likely it’ll be I’ll put it off.”

Serena let out a small laugh, much to Bernie’s confusion judging by the quizzical look she gave the brunette. “That’s what Raf told me when I wasn’t sure about calling you.”

“Raf?” Bernie asked, aiming for nonchalance but failing to hide the shakiness in her voice. “Boyfriend? Husband?” she questioned further, her heart pounding as she thinks _of course Serena has someone in her life._

Serena tried to hide the hint of a smile playing on her lips at Bernie’s obvious jealousy. “No, just a work colleague, a friend. I er I’m… I mean, there isn’t any one at the moment.” She hesitates a moment, unsure she wants to know, but curiosity wins out and she decides to ask, albeit quite awkwardly. “How about you? Anyone special in your life?” 

“No.” Bernie replies simply, shaking her head. “There was someone.” Bernie tells her honestly and Serena’s heart sank a little. “But I was stupid.” Bernie fixed her gaze on Serena so there was no mistaking her meaning. “I let her go.” 

Serena’s heart warmed at Bernie’s words. She wanted to reach out to her, to wrap her in a warm embrace but, remembering where they were, went with a demure smile instead, eyes sparkling as they gazed at one another. Someone coming through the door broke them from their shared moment, a moment where it felt as though the last eight years hadn’t happened, that nothing had changed between them.

“We um… we should…” Serena trailed off gesturing to the door, indicating they should make a move.

“Right, yeah.” At Bernie’s agreement Serena took the couple of steps to the door. Taking the door from Serena, Bernie asked, “So, I’ll follow you in my car?” 

Serena nodded, “Yeah, let me give you my address in case you lose me, you know what Holby traffics like.” Bernie unlocked her phone and passed it to Serena for her to type out her address. Handing it back, Serena felt Bernie’s fingers softly brush against hers, allowing them to linger as their eyes met again. A text alert broke the moment this time and they both retracted their hands. Looking down at her phone, Serena breathed out a laugh. “Elinor, asking if I’m on my way, we should probably get going.” Bernie nods and offers a small smile in understanding, starting to feel the nerves building at the realisation that this is really happening, that she has a daughter and very soon she’ll be meeting her.


	6. The Meeting

Serena was leant against her car, waiting anxiously for Bernie to arrive. She’d lost sight of her on the journey and as the time passed began to worry that perhaps she’d had a change of heart. But then there she was, walking up the drive towards her, looking slightly terrified at the prospect of meeting her daughter. Serena greeted her with a soft, relieved smile and asked gently, “Okay?” 

Bernie took in a shaky breath, nodded tightly but then realising she wasn’t fooling anyone exhaled to say, “Maybe a bit nervous.” Serena reached out to lightly grasp her finger, give them a gentle squeeze, offering Bernie unspoken reassurance. Bernie’s heart fluttered at this contact, at this small touch of affection and smiled appreciatively, grateful for Serena’s support. 

Serena returned the smile before loosening her grip on Bernie’s hand, ready to open the door. But she felt Bernie grasp at her fingers, catching them before they lost contact, halting Serena’s progress. Turning back to Bernie with concern, she waited patiently for her to voice her thoughts. “Do you think…” Bernie started unsurely, took a breath and started over. “Do you think you should talk to Ellie first, make sure she’s okay with this? With me being here.” 

Relief that Bernie hadn’t changed her mind washed over her and, with a soft smile, she slid her finger’s up, resuming her hold on Bernie’s hand. Serena knew her daughter; knew she was excited at the prospect of meeting Bernie and that she’d be okay with her turning up. But she also knew Bernie, could see the worry and slight hint of panic behind her eyes, so if speaking to Ellie first would help to put her mind at ease, then that’s what she’d do. With a gentle squeeze to her hand, Serena began to tell her, “If that’s what you want then I-” 

Before she could finish, the door began to open. Serena quickly let go of Bernie’s hand, hoped it was quick enough that her mother, who was looking down, routing round in her bag and mumbling something about Serena being late, hadn’t seen. 

Looking up as she made her way out of the door, Adrienne was faced with the reason for her daughter’s lateness and stopped in her tracks, almost scowling as she spat out through a tight jaw, “What’s _she_ doing here?” 

Serena tried her best to ignore her mother’s tone and began to explain calmly, “Mum, Bernie’s here for-” 

“Bernie?” Serena was interrupted by a quiet, questioning voice from inside the house. Both women looked past Adrienne to see Elinor standing at the bottom of the stairs, looking at Bernie inquisitively. “You’re Bernie?”

Both Bernie and Serena stood open mouthed, staring back at the child, unsure what to say or do. They were broke from their shared moment of panic by Adrienne huffing out an indignant breath and, without another word, she continued on her way down the drive. Serena didn’t have the time to worry about her mum’s reaction to Bernie being there, her only concern right now was her daughter.

Once they were inside, standing awkwardly together in the hallway, Serena began the introductions, not exactly how she’d planned it but then nothing today had been. “Yes Ellie, this is Bernie, your... uh.” she hesitated, unsure what to introduce her as, what Bernie would be comfortable with. Feeling two sets of eyes on her she cleared her throat, deciding to quickly move on, “Bernie, this is Ellie.”

Bernie’s gaze returned to Ellie, eventually managing to breathe out a soft ‘hi’ as she stood in awe, taking in her appearance. Elinor’s responding bright smile warmed Bernie’s heart and did so much to put her mind at ease. Smiling softly, unable to take her eyes of the mini Serena that stood before her, she told her reverently, “You look so much like your mum.” 

Elinor’s bright smile made way for a pout as she grumbled, “Yeah I got her stupid chin.”

“I think it’s a cute chin.” Bernie said affectionately before ducking her head shyly at the connotation of her words. Serena gazed adoringly at Bernie for a brief moment before remembering herself and suggesting they go through to the living room. Where, after a tentative start from Bernie, the conversation and questions flowed easily between her and Ellie as they slowly got to know each other. 

Serena sat by and watched their interaction with affection. Seeing how at ease and relaxed two of the most important people in her life were made her heart swell but then she was hit with an overwhelming sense of guilt. This could’ve been their life all along, she took that away. She took away Bernie’s chance to be a mum, to have a family because she was hurt, she was in pain. 

The sound of her daughter’s laughter brought her out of her thoughts, looking to her, seeing her eyes gleaming with happiness, Serena knew she had to push past those feelings, forget about what happened and what could have been and look to the future.

Focusing back in on the conversation she heard Ellie ask Bernie, “So you’re a surgeon too?” 

“Yeah that’s right, I was a surgeon in the army but I-” Bernie stopped abruptly, realising it was probably best not to tell her she got blown up, “Er I left, so now I’m back living and working in Holby.” 

“Do you work weekends? Sometimes Mum has to but not often.” Elinor turned her attention to Serena, “You’re not working this weekend are you Mum?” Serena gave a small smile and shook her head. Ellie looked back to Bernie and continued her excited rambling, suggesting hopefully, “Maybe we could all go out together.” 

Offering Bernie the opportunity to decline, Serena told Elinor gently, “Ellie, Bernie might have plans.” 

Ellie was quick to look back to Bernie with wide, hopeful eyes, “Do you?” 

With a quick glance to Serena, Bernie shook her head, “No, I don’t have any plans.” 

“Perfect. You can spend the day with us.” Ellie replied excitedly before turning to Serena, “Can’t she Mum?”

Serena simply smiled at nodded before casting a quick glance at the clock, “Now I think it’s time you went to bed, sweetheart.” Elinor groaned in response, she had so many more questions she wanted to ask Bernie but Serena assured her jovially, “You can interrogate Bernie some more tomorrow. Now come on, say good night and I’ll be up in a minute.”

Elinor did as she was told, knowing there was no point arguing and knowing the faster she went to sleep the faster tomorrow would come. Without Ellie’s excited rambling and quick fire questions they found themselves caught in that familiar awkward silence. Bernie was first to break it, telling Serena earnestly, “You did a good job with her. She’s a good kid.” 

Relaxing a little, Serena huffed out a laugh, “She can be. She can also be a bit bossy and hard to say no to.” Serena took a breath, losing her jovial tone to tentatively say, “Don’t feel you have to spend the day with us tomorrow. I mean if you don’t want to. If you do then that’s great but it’s fine if you don’t.” 

“Serena.” Bernie got her attention, halting the brunette’s nervous rambling, “I’d love to spend the day with you. Er with both of you.”

“Right, good.” Serena replied, the words coming out on a relieved breath, their gaze lingering. “I-I think there’s some leftovers in the fridge if… if you want to stay.”

With Ellie tucked up in bed, leftovers reheated, and wine flowing, they ate together with a comfortable ease, sharing memories of times spent together and catching up on time spent apart. Once settled in the living room, tucked up close together on the sofa, they continued to reminisce and laugh about old times. “Oh god, he really didn’t get it did he?”

As the laughter died out Bernie sighed reflectively, “I missed this.” She waited for Serena to meet her gaze before adding, “Us.” Their eyes lingered, Serena’s heart racing at the thought of leaning forward and capturing those perfectly soft lips with her own. A feeling she thought was reciprocated judging by the way Bernie’s gaze flicked down to her lips. But then Bernie looked away, moved the conversation on, “So, tomorrow. I’ll come by in the morning, pick you up?”

Serena hesitated, “Er.” 

“Or you can pick me up, whatever you prefer.” Bernie suggested slowly, confused by Serena’s apprehension.

“A-Actually… I thought maybe, you could stay.” Serena said tentatively before doubt crept into her mind and she quickly added, “I mean, it’s pretty late and you’ve had a drink and you’ll be back here tomorrow so-” Before she could finish Bernie cut her rambling words off with a lingering kiss. A kiss that felt so familiar Serena melted into it. As their lips separated, pulling back enough to look each other in the eye, Serena continued meekly, “I have a guest room.” 

Bernie chuckled into another kiss, whispering against Serena’s lips, “Show me your room.” Serena moaned into the kiss which was quickly becoming more heated as hands started grasping, pulling each other impossibly closer. “Now.” Bernie demanded breathily into Serena’s mouth. 

Serena began to shift, to try and manoeuvre herself off the sofa without her lips leaving Bernie’s. Something she was finding difficult. Eventually she drew herself away to stand, looked down at Bernie, her eyes dark with desire and held out her hand. “Come on.” Bernie took hold of her hand and allowed herself to be lead up the stairs to Serena’s bedroom.


	7. The Bedroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first foray into writing something a little more 'mature'. Enjoy while I go hide under a rock =/

Fuelled by alcohol, desire and familiarity they fell down onto the bed, Bernie quickly taking control, pressing Serena into the mattress. A gentle moan escaped Serena’s lips as Bernie moved to kissing her neck, breathing in and tasting the heady aroma that was unmistakably Serena McKinnie. As they began to rapidly lose clothing and explore newly exposed skin the moans and whimpers grew. Serena whispered breathily, “We’ll have to be quiet… our daughters asleep in the next room.” 

Bernie’s lips stilled against Serena’s neck causing her to worry, was the reality of the situation too much? Then Bernie’s lips left her neck and Serena’s heart sank. Panic rose in her chest as she searched Bernie’s eyes but they were giving nothing away. The moment seemed to stretch on forever before Bernie softly spoke, “Say that again.” 

Serena replied slowly, her brow furrowed in confusion, “We’ll have to be qui-”

“No, not that." Bernie interrupted with shining eyes and the hint of a smile. "The next bit.”

Serena’s lips quirked up at the realisation of what Bernie was asking, relief washed over her. “Our daughter.” Her smile widened as Bernie leant back in to capture Serena’s lips once more before making her way down Serena’s body, leaving a trail of wet kisses. Bernie’s tongue was slowly, teasingly exploring the expanse of skin beneath Serena’s navel when she felt the brunette still beneath her. Serena reached down to place a gentle hand on her shoulder, breathing out, “Bernie. Wait.” halting her progress. 

Bernie looked up to Serena with concern, confused as to why she was stopping her. She was rolling her hips, arching into Bernie’s kisses and definitely making all the right noises, the signs were all there that she was enjoying it, that she wanted this. “What is it? Too much?” Bernie asked, worry etched on her face. “We can-”

“No.” Serena was quick to assure her. “No I– I want you up here. I want to see you.” she continued to say, somewhat shyly, between heavy breaths. A relieved breath escaped Bernie’s mouth as she settled over the brunette, lowering herself so their breasts brushed teasingly. She slipped her thigh between Serena’s, pressing it firmly against her wet heat. Serena gasped at the contact and the feeling of Bernie’s wetness against her own thigh.

They rolled their hips together rhythmically, each grinding against the other’s thigh. Serena was so lost in the feeling of Bernie’s body against hers she didn’t notice her slip her hand down between them until she felt her dexterous fingers firmly circling her clit. Serena gasped once again, immediately bucking her hips into Bernie’s touch.

She was already so close it wasn’t long before Bernie was guiding her through her orgasm. Once she felt Serena’s body start to relax beneath her she stilled her hand and pressed gentle kisses on her neck, along her jaw and finally her lips. Bernie felt Serena’s soft moan against her lips when she slowly removed her hand from where it rested, gliding it up Serena’s stomach, brushing the underside of her breast as it came to rest at her side. 

They shared several lazy kisses before Bernie relaxed her body down against Serena’s. Resting her head on the pillow next to the brunette, she took the opportunity to take her earlobe into her mouth, building Serena’s arousal once more. Serena hummed at the sensation but had other ideas; turning her head to brush her lips against the shell of Bernie’s ear, she whispered hot and heavily, “I rather think it’s my turn now, don’t you?” 

Bernie propped herself back up to capture Serena’s lips in a searing kiss, Serena’s hand tangling in the blonde’s curls as she pushed her deeper into the kiss before rolling her over on to her back. She shifted so her legs were either side of Bernie’s and pushed up, capturing her lips once more before trailing open mouthed kisses down her body and putting her tongue to work. “Mmm, I’d forgotten how good you taste.” The vibrations of Serena’s words almost sending Bernie over the edge straight away but she held out a bit longer and Serena managed to coax not one but two orgasms from her before she was through. 

Bernie melted back into the mattress, her breaths coming short and fast as she revelled in the after effects of what Serena’s tongue had just done for her. Resting one arm across her stomach, she lifted the other to allow Serena to tuck in to her side as she made her way back up the bed. Feeling Serena’s lips caressing her jaw, Bernie turned her head slowly, capturing them in a sloppy kiss before dropping her head back on the pillow. In between heavy breaths she told Serena. “I haven’t… like that... in so long.” 

Serena raised her head from where it rested on Bernie’s chest to look up at her with a hint of scepticism. “Really? How long?” she asked, intrigued by Bernie’s statement. 

“Give or take?” Bernie asked as she rested her head to the side to meet Serena’s gaze. The brunette nodded and Bernie shrugged before telling her softly, “Eight years.” 

A small smile formed on Serena’s lips, “You always were a charmer.” 

Bernie moved her hand to cup Serena’s jaw, her thumb lightly resting on her cheek. “It’s true.” she said with sincerity. “No one makes me feel as good as you do.”

The kiss they shared was unlike the previous ones that night, it was gentle, heartfelt. Their heads rested together as they shared several soft, lazy kisses before Serena whispered. “We should get some sleep. Ellie will be up early, raring to go.” Bernie hummed in agreement and, after sharing one last sleepy kiss, they both rested their heads down. 

Serena was easing into sleep listening to Bernie’s, now steady, rhythmic heartbeat beneath her ear. Letting out a small contented sigh she murmured sleepily against Bernie’s skin, “I love you.” Bernie was just drifting off but at Serena’s words she opened her eyes. Suddenly wide awake she lay still, staring out into the darkness, holding Serena. Thinking.


	8. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, didn't realise I left Bernie in bed thinking for so long but she had a lot to think about. And I realised I didn't like what I'd written so rewrote this chapter hence the delay.

Serena woke the next morning, her face buried in her pillow. Taking in a deep breath, she inhaled the familiar scent of Bernie Wolfe; smiling at the realisation it wasn’t a dream, that she’d had Bernie in her bed. Bernie was back in her life. She rolled over, stretched out languidly and slowly opened her eyes only to find she was alone. 

Propping herself up on her elbows she looked around the room for any clues, any glimmer of hope that Bernie hadn’t left. Noticing her clothes were gone she flopped back down on the bed with a heavy sigh and began to worry she’d done the wrong thing, bringing Bernie back into her life, into Elinor’s life to have her leave without a word. 

She slowly began to recall moments from the previous night, analysing where it could’ve gone wrong. Perhaps inviting Bernie into her bed wasn’t the best idea but her heart, and several glasses of Shiraz, were ruling her head and it just felt so right. She was sure it wasn’t just a meaningless shag. Yes it was hot and desperate and hurried but then there were the tender moments after; the gentle kisses, the heartfelt sincerity of Bernie’s words, Bernie holding her close as she drifted off to sleep. Surely that meant something. It did to her. 

“Shit.” she cursed aloud, vaguely remembering the declaration of love she murmured in her slightly drunken, post-coital, sleepy haze. And then it dawned on her, she scared her off. What was she supposed to tell Elinor? With a frustrated groan she pulled the duvet up over her head, blocking out the world for just that little bit longer. 

x

Bernie stood outside exhaling a cloud of smoke into the cool morning air; the nicotine hit just what she needed to calm her racing mind, to help put her thoughts in order. She knew she wanted Serena back in her life, regretted ever letting her go but everything was happening so fast; the phone call, meeting Serena, meeting Elinor. And then they’d fallen into bed together. 

She hadn’t had time to process any of it until those three whispered words hit her and suddenly it was real. She’d eventually managed to silence her thoughts enough to get a couple of hours sleep but when she woke, Serena’s naked body pressed against her, the thoughts were still there, fresh in her mind. She needed time to think. 

Careful not to wake Serena, she’d extricated herself from her hold, threw on her clothes and was out the door. 

x

When Serena finally decided to leave the comfort of her Egyptian cotton sheets and face the day, she was surprised to find that Ellie wasn’t in her room. Even more surprised to see her sat at the kitchen table happily chatting away to Bernie. 

Bernie had been stood at the back door, puffing on a cigarette, lost in a world of thought when Elinor sat down greeting her sleepily, seemingly unfazed to find that Bernie had stayed the night. Much like the previous evening, Bernie felt a little awkward to begin with, especially being alone with Elinor, not having Serena there for support but by the time Serena came down the stairs the conversation was flowing with ease.

Serena held back, smiling softly as she watched the interaction with fondness. She was glad Bernie stayed but, selfishly, she couldn’t help thinking that perhaps she only stayed for Ellie. Pushing that feeling aside she continued on her way into the kitchen, calling out with more confidence than she felt, “Morning.”

Ellie paused from her excited rambling, turning to greet her mum. Bernie simply looked up through her fringe, met Serena’s gaze for the briefest moment and smiled a small, shy smile; a smile that Serena always found so endearing, one that gave her hope. Maybe she didn’t just stay for Ellie.

They all sat together at the table discussing the plans for their family day, Serena trying her best to concentrate on what was being said rather than thinking what was going through Bernie’s mind, hoping she was doing a good enough job of hiding her insecurity.

Elinor hadn’t picked up on any awkwardness between them but Bernie knew Serena all too well, knew what thoughts would be going through her mind. Once they were alone, Ellie having disappeared upstairs to get ready, she set about making it right, showing Serena how she feels. 

Serena was stood at the counter making coffee when Bernie made her way over. Standing close behind, wrapping her arms round Serena’s waist she rested her chin on her shoulder and spoke softly, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up.” Serena turned her head to the side so Bernie was just in sight, “I needed some time to think.” 

Serena brought her arms up, placed them over Bernie’s to hold her closer, telling her, “It’s okay.” Because it was okay, yes Serena panicked, worried that Bernie had left when she woke to find she was alone, but that didn’t matter now, she stayed.

Bernie took a small breath, preparing herself to voice her thoughts, “And… I’m sorry I wasn’t here for-” 

Serena interrupted, turning in Bernie’s arms, quick to tell her she didn’t need to apologise, didn’t need to explain but Bernie insisted. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” She shifted her gaze from Serena’s, searching into the distance for the words to say. “I saw how hard it was for those with families in my unit, leaving them behind, not knowing if they’d ever see them again.” Returning her eye’s to Serena’s she told her sincerely. “It was hard enough doing that to you.” 

Serena offered a small, sympathetic smile as Bernie paused once again. “When we talked about starting a family, I knew you’d be an amazing mum and I wanted that for you but– going back on tour and seeing the reality of it…” A small sigh escaped her lips. “I didn’t think I was the one to give it to you. I wanted you to have a proper family, someone that was there for you and your child.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this when you called?” Serena asked gently, searching Bernie’s eyes. “We could’ve worked through it together.”

Bernie breathed out a soft laugh. “You know me and feelings.” she joked gently before continuing on seriously, “I tried to explain best I could, hoped you’d understand but- That’s why I wrote it all down… in the letter. All my thoughts and feelings and fears, things I couldn’t voice.” 

Serena’s brow creased in confusion, “What letter? I didn’t get a letter.” 

Over the years Bernie had often wondered if Adrienne had given her the letter. It was obvious to her now that she hadn’t, probably never had any intention of doing so, but she couldn’t tell Serena that, couldn’t come between her and Adrienne any more than she already had. So she lied. “No, I erm… I never sent it. I was too much of a coward.” 

“Ssh.” Serena leant forward, resting their foreheads together, a hand stroking soothingly over Bernie’s back as they both relaxed into the embrace. “You’re here now, that’s all that matters.” After a brief moment worry hit Serena and, stilling her hand, she pulled back enough to look in Bernie’s eyes, asking tentatively, “You– you are sticking around?” 

With a slow blossoming smile Bernie closed the gap between them and gently pressed her lips to Serena’s. When she drew back she looked deep in Serena’s eyes and told her honestly, “I want us to be a family, Serena.” Bernie tilted her head to the side, a cheeky smile playing on her lips as she asked, “If you’ll have me.” 

Serena wasted no time in answering her question with actions rather than words. Reaching up to tangle her hand in Bernie’s hair she pulled her close, firmly pressing her lips to Bernie’s, kissing the small smirk off Bernie’s face.


	9. The Perfect Evening?

Serena sat alone on the sofa, glass of wine in hand, the bottle sitting on the coffee table beside an empty glass. This wasn’t how she envisioned the evening going. Had hoped that after their day spent together as a family, the evening could be spent alone with Bernie; cuddled up close on the sofa, discussing their day over a glass of wine and gentle kisses, Vivaldi playing softly in the background. But it wasn’t to be.

Having this time alone she began to process her feelings, allow her mind to catch up with the whirlwind that had been the past twenty four hours. She thought back to that first moment she saw Bernie again after so many years, how the feelings she had for her came flooding back, realising just how much she missed her. She thought of last night, wondered if Bernie had heard her quiet declaration whispered in a moment of weakness. Thought back to that morning, to standing in the kitchen holding Bernie close as she told her she wanted them to be a family. To watching in amusement as Elinor excitedly dragged Bernie off in different directions, barely leaving her side all day.

She was broke from her thoughts by the soft pad of footsteps descending the stairs. As the figure approached the doorway, Serena leant forward and filled the empty glass that sat on the coffee table, topping up her own in the process. “She finally settled then?” A knowing smile played on her lips, knew when Elinor had insisted Bernie put her to bed it would be a while before she returned, the young girl not quite ready for the perfect day to end. 

Returning the smile, Bernie moved into the room, informing Serena jovially, “Yeah, after an in depth tour of her bedroom and introducing me to her _many_ cuddly toys.” She took hold of the proffered glass as she sat down close beside Serena. “Thank you.” Bernie spoke softly, their eyes meeting properly for the first time that evening. The look in her eyes, along with the sincerity of her voice, told Serena she was thanking her for so much more than the wine, so much more than words could ever say.

They held one another’s gaze, eyes flitting to mouths as they inched closer, their lips finally meeting for a tender, relatively chaste kiss, careful not to spill any wine. When their lips parted they stayed close, Bernie telling Serena, “I’ve wanted to do that all day.”

Serena smiled softly, “Me too.” Their gaze lingered a moment longer until Serena let out a small breath, shifting back to rest against the cushions of the sofa as she went on, “I just didn’t want to be too…” She vaguely gesticulated between them with her free hand, unable to find the right word. “…in front of Ellie.” Her eyes tracked Bernie’s movement as she settled beside her. “I don’t want to get her hopes up that… you and I...” She paused, taking a steadying breath as she searched for the words. “That we…” 

Serena paused once again, was relieved when Bernie took pity on her struggle to voice her thoughts and filled the gap, telling her, “It’s okay, Serena.” a small, reassuring smile forming on her lips. “I understand.” Bernie knew herself that it wasn’t likely to be easy, that there was the possibility their rekindled relationship might not work. After all, they’d both changed, were different people now. And there was Elinor, the dynamic of their relationship was certain to be different with a third person, a child, involved. 

Before they had time to dwell, Bernie moved the conversation on, wanting to hear more tales of Elinor’s childhood. By the end of the evening they were near dozing off; Serena tucked under Bernie’s arm, two empty glasses sitting on the coffee table, a late night film playing on the TV that, for the most part, went unwatched. As the end credits rolled they both decided to give in to their tiredness and Serena once again led Bernie up the stairs to her bedroom. 

This night was so different from the previous, where they fell into bed hungry, clothes shed in haste, desperate for one another after so long apart. Tonight they took their time. Slowly undressing one another before slipping under the covers, effortlessly gravitating towards one another, warm skin against warm skin. It felt so natural. The soft, gentle caresses, exploratory touches. It was heavenly, taking their time to rediscover every inch of the other’s beautiful body.

Serena hadn’t lingered on the newly marked areas of Bernie’s body, unsure how comfortable the blonde would be with her exploration. It wasn’t until later when they lay together, blissfully sated, Serena’s face buried in Bernie’s neck that she decided to explore. 

Starting slowly, she nuzzled further into Bernie’s neck, placed a solitary, lingering kiss on the faint scar that marked Bernie’s skin. A contented hum vibrated in Bernie’s throat as she stretched her neck to the side allowing Serena better access. 

Serena shifted, pushed up on her elbow to hover over the blonde, placed a gentle kiss to her collarbone as her fingers began to dance over the slightly raised flesh that bisected her chest. Bernie stiffened slightly at the first touch, feeling overly exposed but she trusted Serena and relaxed as her lips ghosted over the skin, beginning a trail of kisses following the path her fingertips took.

Bernie began to fully relax, even enjoy this most intimate moment. Then Serena faltered in her movement, thoughts turning to how close she was to losing her, to Ellie never knowing her. She felt tears pricking at her eyes. Turning her head to the side, she laid her ear on Bernie’s chest, letting the steady beat of her heart soothe her thoughts. 

Feeling the warm dampness of Serena’s tears against her chest, knowing what thoughts would be going through her mind, Bernie lowered her hand to stroke her fingers through cropped chestnut hair, whispering gentle assurances to her lover, “It’s okay, I’m here.” before leaning forward and placing a soothing kiss atop Serena’s head.

As Bernie relaxed her head back against the pillow Serena slowly raised hers and met Bernie’s gaze through hazy eyes, “I could’ve lost you.” 

“But you didn’t.” Bernie told her gently but with a reassuring firmness, her thumb caressing Serena’s cheek as she wiped away fallen tears. “I’m here for you and for our daughter.” 

Gazing into Bernie’s deep brown eyes, seeing the love shining in them and hearing the sincerity in her voice, Serena wanted to say the words that were on the tip of her tongue. To tell her ‘I love you’ but after letting them slip last night she was wary, didn’t want to ruin what they had in this moment; opting instead for a kiss, a heartfelt, meaningful kiss that she hoped would convey the message. 

As Bernie’s lips left Serena’s, she softly purred, “Serena.” The brunette pulled back enough to look in Bernie’s eyes once more, searching the deep pools. Bernie’s lips parted, croaked out, “I-” but then she froze, found she lost the words under Serena’s intense gaze. Eventually a small smile blossomed and she whispered sincerely, “I missed you.” Serena captured her lips for a tender kiss, rested her forehead down against Bernie’s and returned the sentiment. But she couldn’t help thinking Bernie was going to say something different. Something more.


	10. The Assurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates recently, lost my way a little with this fic but I’m back in it and hopefully the wait between won’t be as long. Thanks for sticking with it and continuing to leave comments and kudos. It's always appreciated =D

Bernie woke slowly, staying in the blissful time between sleep and wakefulness. And in that time, like so many times over the weekend, the years that had passed without Serena were forgotten. She was back in 2007. Home from another long and tiring tour, back safely in the arms of the woman she loved. 

Drifting more into consciousness, slowly opening her eyes, her mind caught up to the present. She wasn’t in the house they’d shared for so many years, this wasn’t _their_ home. It was Serena’s and so much had changed. 

Before she had a chance to dwell, to once again allow her thoughts to go over that fateful day of the phone call, Serena began to stir. Hearing the contented hum as she nestled further into her chest, Bernie smiled at the realisation that, although many things had changed over the years, one thing was the same. She was with the woman she loved. Although she hadn’t been brave enough to voice those feelings yet, she knew. She knew the moment she looked up from her coffee and saw Serena walking through the door, walking back into her life. Nuzzling into Serena’s hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo, she murmured languidly, “Morning.” 

Serena smiled against Bernie’s skin, drew in a small, slow breath and replied almost dreamily as she exhaled, “Morning.” This was how she’d hoped to be waking the previous morning, how she would love to wake every morning. Opening her eyes, Serena saw that her hand rested flat on Bernie’s sternum, covering the mark that haunted her thoughts the night before. Feeling a little embarrassed at her outpouring of emotion she decided to say nothing, simply slid her hand round to Bernie’s side, squeezing her that little bit closer as she stretched her tired limbs, mumbling sleepily, “What time is it?”

Bernie informed her it was nearly eight and a small groan reverberated in Serena’s throat. She was hoping it was earlier, hoping she could lie in Bernie’s arms, enjoy this quiet, peaceful time before Elinor burst into life. She pressed a lingering kiss to Bernie’s collarbone before shifting away, before they both reluctantly left the comfort of Serena’s king size bed and one another’s arms.

x

Showered and in fresh clothes she’d picked up the previous day, Bernie made her way downstairs in search of coffee and Serena. She found her alone in the kitchen, looking out into the garden, coffee in hand, humming along to a tune on the radio. She quietly walked up behind her, wrapped Serena in her arms and nuzzled at her neck.

“Hmm,” Serena hummed at the unexpected pleasure of Bernie’s body pressed against hers, warm breath tickling sensitive skin. “I thought it was Ellie coming down.” Depositing the mug on the side, she turned so they were face to face, reached up to comb her fingers through Bernie’s damp, tousled hair in a vain attempt to tame it.

Bernie gazed softly back at Serena, “I used your shampoo, hope you don’t mind.” 

Shaking her head slowly in response, Serena leaned in, used the hand in Bernie’s hair to guide her forward until their lips met for a tender kiss. They stayed in a close embrace, sharing kisses and discussing how to spend the day. That is until Serena caught sight of Elinor standing uneasily in the doorway, causing her to swiftly move out of Bernie’s hold. Bernie, in turn, took a step back, putting more space between them and matched Elinor’s sheepish, downcast gaze. 

Serena quickly stammered out a greeting, perhaps a little too cheerily as she tried to cover her discomfort and concern at Elinor catching them as she had. The mumbled greeting she received in return and Elinor’s unwillingness to meet her gaze did nothing to allay her concern.

All three stood awkwardly, the rhythmic beat from the radio the only sound filling the room. Serena searched desperately for something to say to break the rising tension. “What would you like for breakfast, darling?” 

“Um… actually, I think I’ll go and get dressed.” Elinor spoke quietly, turned to leave the kitchen and, as she did, lifted her eyes from the floor to glance first at Serena then at Bernie.

Bernie and Serena looked to one another, listening as their daughter ascended the stairs, worried and confused by her actions. She’d been fine with the revelation that she had two mums, that Serena had been in a relationship with Bernie, a woman. Yesterday had been the perfect day, Elinor hanging on Bernie’s every word and now, now it seems to have all gone wrong. 

“I’m sorry, Serena.” Bernie can’t help but blame herself. Serena had told her she wanted to keep things casual around Elinor, not be too affectionate and now she’s gone and messed it up because she couldn’t keep her hands to herself. “I’ll go. She’s obviously not okay with this.”

“No, stay.” Serena was quick to close the gap between them, to reach out and place a reassuring hand on Bernie’s arm. “Drink your coffee. I’ll go and talk to her.” Sensing Bernie’s continued reluctance to stay, she looked deep within her eyes, gave her bicep a gentle squeeze and told her firmly, “Stay.” 

With a small exhale Bernie gave a nod, acquiescing to Serena’s plea. They shared a soft smile before Serena made her way up the stairs to Elinor’s room, leaving Bernie alone to head out into the garden, coffee in one hand, cigarette packet and lighter in the other.

x

Serena tapped lightly on Elinor’s bedroom door. When no reply came she slowly pushed it open, calling gently to her daughter, “Elinor?” On entering she was saddened to see Elinor sitting despondently on the edge of her bed, eyes firmly routed to the floor. Moving further into the room, she took a breath and began tentatively, “Look, Ellie… I know it’s a lot to take in. That you’ve had a lot to deal with these past couple of days and you’ve dealt it with it so well but I guess seeing me kissing-” 

Elinor’s head shot up, quick to interrupt, “No it’s– it’s not that.” She tracked Serena’s movement as she perched down beside her on the bed, looked directly in her mum’s eyes to tell her sincerely, “I like Bernie.” 

Serena’s face softened at hearing that, her furrowed brow making way for a small smile; albeit a fleeting smile as Elinor returned her gaze to the floor and continued shyly, “But… I liked Edward.” Serena’s heart sank, worries what Ellie’s trying to tell her. She liked Edward more than Bernie. She’d prefer a man, a dad. A ‘normal’ family. 

Edward was good with Elinor, she can’t deny that but he did always have a way with the ladies, which was the downfall of their relationship. After another pause Elinor continued, her words gaining momentum as she spoke, the trepidation evident, “He was the closest thing I had to a dad and then you broke up and he was gone. I- I don’t want-” 

“Oh, darling,” Serena soothes, interrupting her as it becomes clear why she reacted the way she did. She doesn’t want Bernie to disappear from her life the way Edward did. Serena angles herself to face Elinor, to assure her, “It’s different with Bernie. She’s your mum and no matter what happens between us she will always be a part of your life.” 

“Really?” Ellie looked up to Serena with wide, hopeful eyes.

“Really.” Serena tells her assuredly, “You’re stuck with her now, just like you’re stuck with me. We’re your mums,” Serena reached out to brush her daughter’s long hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear before letting her hand rest on her cheek. “that will never change.” They share a smile, Elinor’s mind put at ease by her mother’s words, trusting that Bernie will always be there for her. “Come on, let’s go and find some breakfast.” 

They make their way downstairs; find Bernie sitting at the kitchen table nursing her cup of coffee, lost in her worries. Worries that were soon alleviated when she looked up to see matching soft smiles and two pairs of warm, hazel eyes gazing back at her. 

They both moved further into the kitchen, Elinor joining Bernie at the table and Serena crossing the kitchen, giving Bernie’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze as she passed on her way to flick the coffee machine on, ready to start the day again. Properly this time.


	11. The Conversations

Bernie made her way into the hospital Monday morning lost in thoughts of the weekend; of waking with Serena in her arms; having breakfast together as a family; walking hand in hand with Serena through the park as Elinor ran on ahead, eager to feed the ducks, not waiting for her parents who apparently didn’t move very fast. 

Her thoughts soon turned to having to say goodbye, to Serena holding her that little bit tighter as she began to pull away. She remembered what it was like leaving her to go away on tour, how hard it was to let her go. Didn’t want to imagine how hard it would’ve been to leave Elinor. Doesn’t need to because that’s not her life anymore, she’s in Holby to stay and her family will always come first.

Sending a quick text off to Serena she made her way down long corridors to the ward, was barely through the door when Dom pounced on her like an excitable child, wanting to know all the details of her weekend. “Dr Copeland,” she began in her best authoritative tone, “I don’t think this is the time or the place to be discussing such matters.” She cast a pointed glance around the busy ward before continuing on her way to the office.

Dom followed in her wake, waiting until they were through the door before trying again, desperate to know, “So come on. How did the date with _Serena_ go?” 

“It wasn’t a date.” she stated firmly as she sat down at her desk, eyeing the stack of folders that had appeared over the weekend, seemingly disinterested in having the conversation.

“Oh.” he said disappointedly, his excited, gleeful tone now gone. “Not good then?”

Bernie said nothing, but failing to keep the smirk off her face told Dom all he needed to know. “You slept with her didn’t you?” he asked incredulously. “Oh you’ve had a weekend of mad, passionate sex while I was sat at home doing a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle with my mum.” He took a seat, making himself comfortable, ready to hear all about it. “Come on, tell me everything.”

So Bernie told him about the coffee and going back to Serena’s, spending the night and the weekend together, how natural it all felt being with Serena once again. Then finally, she told him about Elinor. 

To say he was surprised would be an understatement. “Wow. I uh… I wasn’t expecting that.” Bernie huffed out a small laugh, gave a look that said _neither was I_.

x

Having been in theatre all morning, Serena finally managed to get a few minutes to herself and was able to check her phone. She couldn’t help but smile as she read Bernie’s message telling her she enjoyed the weekend and was very much looking forward to spending time with them again soon. 

“I’m guessing coffee with Bernie went well.” came a voice from the doorway.

She looked up to see Raf standing there, a knowing smile on his face. “Yeah, really well.” she told him, her smile widening, allowing her thoughts to drift over the weekend, almost forgetting the moment it very nearly all went wrong. “Oh, apart from a slight misunderstanding and her thinking I cheated on her with some random guy resulting in my pregnancy.” 

“Ah.” he said sympathetically, moving further into the room.

Serena hummed in agreement, “Luckily she gave me the chance to explain and…” She took in a breath before continuing with an air of shy complacency, “…she came back to mine. Spent the weekend with us.” 

She went on to tell him all about the weekend, how it felt like nothing had changed between them, the spark was still there but more importantly how well Bernie and Ellie got on, that it was better than she’d ever imagined, than she ever dared hope. 

“You still love her.” he states rather than questions.

“I don’t think I ever stopped.” she told him sincerely, letting out a soft sigh. “I found myself not wanting to let her go yesterday. I just got an overwhelming sense that maybe that was it. Over the weekend we were in this perfect bubble and I thought maybe once she left, returned to her own life, she’d realise it wasn’t what she wanted. We weren’t what she wanted.”

“Judging by the way you were smiling at your phone, I’m guessing that’s not the case.”

x

When Serena arrived home several hours later she found Adrienne and Elinor sat at the kitchen table; Elinor excitedly telling her grandmother all about the weekend, all about Bernie. Serena could see she was less than impressed by what she was hearing. 

Elinor paused briefly from her excited chatter to greet her mum but then quickly continued only to be gently interrupted by Serena, “Sweetheart, could you go and sort your things out for school tomorrow.”

“I don’t have anything to sort out.” Elinor informed her, keen to carry on her one-sided conversation with her gran. 

Serena gave her an imploring look, telling her firmly. “Please.”

A look and tone Ellie knew not to argue with. Sighing, she got down from the table and sloped out of the room. Adrienne, knowing what was coming, took this as her opportunity to leave and began to rise from her chair. “Right, I’ll be off then.” 

“Mum.” Serena voice was firm as she walked over and sat down opposite her. “I think we need to talk, don’t you?” 

They hadn’t spoken since Friday, since Adrienne had stormed off after coming face to face with Bernie. The older woman lowered herself back down and they both sat in an uncomfortable silence, each waiting for the other to begin. Serena huffed out a frustrated breath, after a long day at work she didn’t have the energy to be dealing with her ill-tempered mother. “She’s Elinor’s mum.” 

Adrienne quickly interjects. “ _You’re_ her mum.” 

Choosing to ignore that statement and wishing she’d poured herself a glass of Shiraz, Serena continued, “Ellie wanted to meet her, I couldn’t deny her that.” Her voice softened, “You know that was the plan along. That one day, hopefully, they would meet.”

“Yes but I didn’t expect it to come without warning,” Adrienne’s tone was heated, “I didn’t expect to open the door and there she stand.” 

“No, well it all happened so fast.” Serena told her a little meekly before going on matter-of-factly, “I called her, we met for coffee, I told her about Elinor and she wanted to meet her.”

“And then you fell into bed with her.” Adrienne stated flippantly much to Serena’s surprise, leaving her to wonder just how much Ellie had told her, how much Ellie knew. Adrienne steeled her emotions and continued seriously, firmly, “She broke your heart once Rena. She hurt you and I don’t want to see my granddaughter hurt.”

“Look Mum, Bernie’s a part of Elinor’s…” she stops abruptly, corrects herself, “a part of _our_ lives. I would appreciate it if you could make the effort with her. I know you’re just looking out for me but it’s fine Mum honestly, we’ve talked and she’s told me everything.”

“Everything?” Adrienne questioned tentatively as she thinks back to the day Bernie collected her things, entrusted her with the letter. She worries what Bernie’s said, how much Serena knows, if Bernie even knows the letter didn’t reach it’s intended recipient.

“That’s between Bernie and I but I trust her and I know what I’m doing. We’re making a go of it and… I’d like you to respect that.” Serena paused a moment considering a thought. “She’s coming round the weekend and I’d like you to join us for lunch.”

Adrienne went to protest, to come up with a reasonable excuse as to why she can’t but seeing the determined, pleading look on her daughter’s face, thought better of it and reluctantly acquiesced, “Okay, but I’m only doing this for Ellie.”


	12. The Sleepover

It had been a busy week for both Serena and Bernie; a busy week of clashing shifts that meant they were unable to see one another. They’d managed a couple of all too brief phone calls, shared numerous texts when they found the time but it wasn’t the same as actually being together. Finally it was Friday and they both had Saturday free to spend together.

Serena sat at her desk, taking a well-earned break from what was turning out to be yet another manic day on AAU. As she sipped her latte, thinking ahead to her weekend plans, she realised she didn’t want to waste a moment, she wanted to wake up with Bernie, to start their weekend together. So she sent off a text and, even though Bernie informed her she wouldn’t be finished much before midnight, insisted she come round after her shift.

So that’s what she did, even managed to finish a little earlier than expected. It had just gone eleven when Bernie left St James’ and, after a quick detour to her flat for a few things, she arrived at Serena’s. However the sight that greeted her wasn’t one she was expecting or hoping for.

Serena’s manic day hadn’t calmed in any way. After finishing late due to a last minute emergency, she had to apologise profusely to Adrienne, not an easy task when she still hasn’t forgiven her for Bernie’s sudden appearance. Then she had to deal with a very excitable and uncooperative Elinor. By the time she’d finally calmed Ellie and convinced her to go to bed it was nearing eleven and she was completely exhausted, was beginning to drift off on the sofa when the gentle tap on the door came.

All thoughts of pushing Serena against the wall, of kissing her senseless, running her hands over her body, through her hair went out of Bernie’s mind when Serena opened the door. Wordlessly Bernie stepped into the house, put her bag down and took Serena in her arms, holding her close, allowing her to just breathe. After a moment she murmured softly into her hair, “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.” 

As much as Bernie had wanted to show Serena how much she’d missed her, she’d also had a hectic week and was happy just to climb into bed, to take care of her—not something she’s wanted to do for someone in a long time, for anyone actually, other than Serena that is. Holding one another close under the sheets, they talked and shared several chaste, tender kisses, relaxing together, allowing the stresses of the week to fade away before drifting off to sleep. 

x

Serena woke the next morning to the feel of Bernie’s lips on her neck, as she stirred Bernie moved to trail kisses along her jaw, slowly making her way to her lips. Becoming more awake, more alert, she returned the kiss lazily, humming contentedly as their lips parted. She revelled in this perfect moment, of being woken by Bernie’s kisses. 

“I missed waking up with you.” Serena murmured, slowly opening her eyes to find Bernie’s gaze fixed on her, her smile widening. Their lips met once again in a gentle, lingering kiss, Bernie’s hand coming up to caress Serena’s cheek before snaking round to the nape of her neck, fingers running through the brunette’s sleep mussed hair. 

The kiss was gaining momentum, becoming more heated when Bernie drew back from Serena’s lips, a glint in her eye as she asked breathily, “How long do you think we have until Ellie wakes up?” 

Serena lifted her head off the pillow, craning her neck to look over Bernie’s shoulder at the clock behind her. “I think we’ve got some time.” she told Bernie, a suggestive smile quirking her lips.

Bernie propped herself up, encouraging Serena to roll on to her back, she pressed her mouth firmly to Serena’s. Serena’s back arched at the sensation of Bernie’s teeth gently tugging at her bottom lip, her fingers grasping at her ribcage, thumb teasing the sensitive skin of the underside of her breast. “You feel so good.” Bernie told her softly as her hand moved to caress her stomach, teasingly travelling lower causing Serena’s hips to twitch, her impatience and willingness showing. 

Serena met Bernie’s gaze with a pleading look, “Mmm please, Bernie.” the need evident in her breathy voice.

Bernie’s eyes penetrated Serena’s as her fingers drifted through dark curls tantalisingly slowly. Serena’s breathing deepened, her chest heaving. With their eyes still locked on one another, Bernie’s fingers reached the peak of her mons. Serena opened her mouth, taking a slow, deep inhale, her whole body tensing at the anticipation of Bernie’s touch. 

Slowly Bernie started to make the descent, about to curl her fingers, to find the place where Serena desperately needs her touch when they hear, “Mum!” Bernie’s hand immediately stilled. They both froze, listening for the sound of footsteps. They don’t hear any. Serena let out the breath she was holding and closed her eyes, her taut muscles relaxing as she flopped back, exasperated, against the mattress.

Bernie withdrew her hand from where it rested. The resulting low groan of frustration that reverberated in Serena’s throat caused Bernie to smile and she pressed a consolatory, lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth. Serena turned into the kiss before resting her forehead against Bernie’s temple, the tender contact helping to steady her breathing, calm her racing heart. 

In that moment she felt as though she could easily drift back off to sleep but knew the inevitable cry would come again. And it did. “Mum!” Slightly more demanding and definitely louder than the last, indicating that Elinor was now closer to the bedroom.

Serena sighed softly, reluctantly turned her head away from Bernie and towards the door, called out to her in the hope that she wouldn’t walk in, “What is it Ellie?” the slight annoyance evident in her tone. 

“I can’t find my top with the butterflies on.” Elinor whined back in response.

Serena huffed out a breath. She’d interrupted what was promising to be an immensely pleasurable experience for a bloody t-shirt. “It should be in your drawer.” 

Ellie assured her that she’d looked everywhere, which Serena very much doubted, and she couldn’t find it. She knew Ellie wouldn’t stop until she found it, or Serena found it for her, “Okay, I’m on my way.” But Serena made no move to get out of bed, instead rested her head back against Bernie’s with another small sigh.

Bernie pressed a kiss to her lips, a promise they’ll continue later and Serena dragged herself out of bed, donning her robe that hung on the back of the door. Bernie watched her go before rolling over, her arms coming to rest above her head as she chuckled to herself. Thinking that without Elinor she wouldn’t even be back in Serena’s life, let alone lying in her bed so she can’t hold it against her that she just missed out on pleasuring Serena because she couldn’t find a t-shirt.

x

The t-shirt was found exactly where Serena told Elinor it would be and she made her way back to her bedroom to find Bernie out of bed, jeans on and in the process of buttoning up her shirt. She walked up behind her and reached round to still her hands from buttoning up any more. “And where do you think you’re going?” Serena murmured against Bernie’s neck, pressing a kiss to the sensitive skin.

Humming at the sensation, Bernie instinctively stretched her neck, allowing Serena better access. “Nowhere if you keep doing that.” Serena purposefully sucked on her pulse point, causing the blonde to take a sharp intake of breath, followed by a slow exhale as she soothed the area with gentle kisses. “But...” Bernie began regretfully, “I know a certain someone will interrupt us… again. And we’ve got lunch with your mother to prepare for.” 

Serena stopped the barrage of kisses and, with a small sigh, rested her chin on Bernie’s shoulder, “You’re right.”

Bernie turned her head to the side so Serena was in view, telling her in a deadly serious tone, “I usually am.” Then, with a smirk and somewhat awkwardly due to their position, she captured Serena’s lips in a soft kiss.


	13. The Lunch

Serena was busy preparing lunch when the doorbell rang; Adrienne was early, as was usual. It was something Serena had come to expect, a tactic her mother used, she was sure, to catch her off guard. 

Following Serena through to the kitchen, Adrienne could hear the unmistakable sound of her granddaughter’s laughter permeating in from the garden. She looked out through the patio doors to see what was causing Elinor’s laughter. Bernie. 

Witnessing how close they appeared to be after only one weekend spent together, one week of knowing each other, she couldn’t help but feel resentful but also worried; worried that Bernie would break Elinor’s heart like she had Serena’s.

“Mum? Drink?” Serena’s voice broke her from her musings, from her tone Adrienne guessed it wasn’t her first time asking.

She looked to her daughter, pushing aside her concerns to reply, “Sorry. No I’m okay at the moment, thank you.” 

Adrienne cast her gaze back out into the garden to see Elinor running in towards her, her face beaming, and much to Adrienne’s delight, Bernie was forgotten for the moment. Or so she thought. “Gran! Come see what Bernie taught me.” Elinor said excitedly, tugging on her grandmother’s arm, attempting to pull her towards the door. The door where Bernie now stood.

She’d hung back in the garden when Ellie went running in, unsure of what to do. She knew what she wanted to do; light up a fag, get a much needed nicotine hit but she didn't want to fuel Adrienne’s dislike for her. So she settled for several steadying breaths instead, deciding to follow on towards the house, steeling herself to face Adrienne, reminding herself she’s doing this for her family.

“Adrienne,” Bernie greeted her with a small acknowledging nod, a slight smile, “It’s good to see you.” 

“And you Berenice, you're looking well.” she responded civilly for both Serena and Elinor’s sakes but the strain was evident in her voice.

Their stilted greeting was soon interrupted by Elinor turning to Bernie and questioning, “Bernie’s short for Berenice?” Getting a nod of confirmation from Bernie, Elinor mumbled, “I like Bernie better.” 

Bernie leant down to Ellie, whispering conspiratorially, “So do I.” Her words caused Elinor to chuckle and Adrienne to bristle. 

“So, Berenice,” she drawled her name with purpose. Bernie straightened up, catching Serena’s eye roll as she turned her attention back to the older woman. She had always insisted on calling her Berenice, even in the days when they got on relatively well, she wasn’t going to let it get to her, couldn’t for Serena’s sake. “I understand you're a civilian now, and you’re back in Holby to stay?”

“Yes that’s right,” she said politely, “didn’t get much choice in the matter but…” she paused to look over to Serena, to meet her gaze before continuing with sincerity, “…there’s nowhere I’d rather be.” They shared a small, shy smile, almost losing themselves in the moment but the sound of a throat being gently, and pointedly, cleared put a stop to that.

Serena quickly turned back round, continuing with lunch preparation, hiding the slight blush that coloured her cheeks. Adrienne gave in to Elinor’s demands and allowed herself to be guided outside, just the excuse she needed to relieve herself from Bernie’s company. And Bernie stayed in the kitchen with Serena, moving over to her side, a comforting presence.

Taking a breath, Serena turned to thank Bernie for making the effort. Bernie responded by leaning in closer, replying, “Anything for you.” before closing the gap and kissing Serena softly on the lips.

“Right come on,” Serena pulled away, taking hold of the bowl of salad she’d prepared, not wanting to risk the moment lingering and her mother seeing. “we’d better get this outside. Can you bring the plates?”

 

Lunch went without incident, it wasn’t free from tension and awkward silences but Serena had done her best to keep the conversation flowing, helped along by Elinor, who, luckily, hadn’t picked up on the atmosphere. Serena was grateful that they were both trying and the afternoon wasn’t a complete disaster. Little did she know that it would come to a head later on that afternoon. 

Adrienne found herself alone in the kitchen with Bernie, the very opportunity she’d been hoping for all day, the chance to be able to speak to her, to voice her concerns. “You and Ellie seem to get on well.” she stated, her expression and tone both neutral, unreadable.

“Yeah, she’s uh… she’s a great kid.” Bernie replied, slightly unnerved by Adrienne’s casual manner.

“Mmm, yes she is.” Adrienne agreed before going on, “She’s very loving. Trusting.” 

Bernie furrowed her brow in confusion, wondered where this conversation was going. Adrienne soon continued, quietly, so as not to raise Serena’s attention. “I don’t want to see her get hurt. I don’t want to see either of them hurt.” she stated simply, firmly. 

Bernie was about to respond, to tell her that won’t happen but Adrienne went on, a harshness in her tone now, “You hurt my daughter once before, I won’t see that happen again. I know she’s a grown woman and can make her own decisions but Ellie’s not. And if you hurt her…” She trailed off, shaking her head, holding Bernie’s gaze with a threatening intensity; an intensity that Bernie didn’t shy away from.

Remaining calm, Bernie told her steadfastly, “I’m not going to hurt anyone. They’re my family.” Adrienne scoffed at her words, looking away from Bernie, fixing her eyes on something across the room. 

Bernie took a moment to consider what she was going to say next, whether she should say anything at all, but it needed to be said. “And you’re right.” Adrienne looked back to her questioningly, hopefully. “Serena can make her own decisions.” Adrienne looked away again, breathing out a disinterested breath. Bernie was silent a moment, partly for effect but also partly because she was still unsure whether to say it, “Like deciding whether to read my letter or not.”

Adrienne’s head snapped up; her eyes, wide with panic, met with Bernie’s. Bernie huffed out a humourless laugh, “Yeah, I know you never gave it to her.” Panic flashed in Adrienne’s eyes. “But don’t worry, Serena doesn’t and I’m not going to tell her, like I said I won’t do anything that I know will hurt her.” 

Adrienne was stunned into silence, she had to say something but what could she say? How could she begin to explain? The silence dragged on, neither woman knowing what to say. Bernie, deciding there was nothing left to say, made her way outside to re-join her family. Adrienne took a moment to compose herself before following her out. 

She sat down, vaguely aware of the conversation going on around her but too lost in her thoughts to partake in it. It wasn’t long before she was making the excuse that she had one of her heads coming on and took her leave, hoping that Serena wouldn’t question it.

Bernie didn’t believe Adrienne would risk her relationship with her daughter by saying anything about their conversation or the letter but when Serena returned from seeing Adrienne off looking pensive, doubt crept in her mind. “Everything okay?” she asked carefully, trying not to let her worry show. 

“Yeah,” she spoke softly on a breath as she pulled her chair closer to Bernie and sat down. “I think I’ll give her a call later, see how she is.” Bernie just nodded and allowed Serena a moment. The gentle, reassuring touch to her knee soon brought Serena back from her thoughts and she looked to Bernie, “Are you staying tonight?” 

“Early shift.” Bernie reminded her regretfully but Serena informed her she didn’t mind. “You don’t mind being woken at five on a Sunday? Your day off.” she questioned in slight disbelief.

“Not if I get to wake up next to you.” Serena told her, leaning forward to press her lips to Bernie’s smiling mouth. “Besides,” she began, pulling back to meet her gaze, an eyebrow raised suggestively, “we have unfinished business.”


	14. The L Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all those that read, kudos'd and commented.

It had been just over a week since _the lunch_ and, with their shift patterns working better for them, Bernie and Serena had managed to spend a couple of evenings together as well as a weekend. It was becoming routine that when they were both free Bernie would spend her time at Serena’s, with her family. And tonight was to be the same, if not for a last minute emergency.

“Come on, pick up.” Raf heard the frustrated plea as he passed by the office, noticed Serena anxiously tapping out a rhythm on her desk, phone pressed to her ear. Concerned but not wanting to disturb her, he held back in the doorway, waited for her to move the phone away with a defeated sigh before taking a step forward into the office.

“Problem?” he questioned.

“RTC coming through from the ED. I’m needed in theatre and Bernie was supposed to be coming over for dinner tonight. I’m trying to get hold of her to let her know I won’t be home till later but…” she sighed once again, taking a much needed breath from her rambling explanation. “it keeps going to voicemail.” She was considering one last attempt when a nurse called her from across the ward and she looked to see the patient being wheeled through. “Look I’ve got to go. I’ve left a message but if she calls back can you tell her I’m stuck in theatre and I’ll call her later.” Not waiting for a response she rushed out of the room, calling over her shoulder, “Oh and tell her that I’m sorry.”

x

Adrienne had just settled with a cup of tea, having a much needed few minutes peace while Elinor occupied herself, when the doorbell rang. She huffed as she pulled herself up and made her way to the door, cursing whoever it was disturbing her. Swinging the door open and seeing who it was did nothing to brighten her mood. Because there stood Bernie, hands deep in her pockets, a tentative smile on her face.

She’d thought about this moment, seeing Bernie again, even considered somehow trying to contact her. Since their conversation in the kitchen that day, Adrienne hadn’t been able to properly relax around Serena; it was always in the back of her mind, there was always the worry that Bernie could decide to tell Serena and tear Adrienne’s world apart, destroy her relationship with her daughter. She knows Serena would never forgive her for taking away her choice to read the letter, to make a more informed decision on having Bernie in her life; in Elinor’s life. 

They regarded one another for a long moment before Adrienne eventually spoke; no greeting, no pleasantries, just simply stated, rather curtly, the first thing that came to mind, “Serena’s not here.”

“Uh yeah, I know.” Bernie knew Adrienne wouldn’t be welcoming her with open arms but she wasn’t prepared for her to be quite so abrupt, she continued hesitantly, “She er… she called to say she was stuck at work. I just thought as I’d planned to come over anyway, I could help out.” 

Adrienne remained silent, considering her response, considering telling Bernie it wasn’t necessary, that she was quite capable of looking after her own flesh and blood. But then Elinor came bounding through from the kitchen her face alight, “Bernie!” 

“Woah, hey Ellie.” Bernie said chuckling, trying to remain upright as Elinor barrelled into her, wrapping her arms round her middle.

“I didn’t think you were coming round ‘cause Mum has to work late.” Elinor said, releasing her grip on Bernie enough to look up at her. Bernie smiled, stroked a hand down Ellie’s long hair affectionately and was about to respond when Elinor suddenly said excitedly, “Come into the kitchen, I want to show you what I made at school.” 

Ellie tugged on Bernie’s hand, pulling her into the house before she could put up any resistance, pulling her past an unimpressed looking Adrienne. “Right well, I’ll leave you two to it.” Adrienne said resignedly, realising she had no choice but to allow Bernie to stay. Bernie managed to halt Elinor at Adrienne’s words. “If you need anything Ellie, just give me a call okay?”

“We’ll be fine Gran.” Ellie assured Adrienne before continuing on to the kitchen, calling for Bernie to hurry up.

Feeling as though she was being dismissed, Adrienne reluctantly moved to gather her things and head towards the door, Bernie moving with her to see her out. A move Adrienne didn’t like, thought that Bernie seemed all too comfortable and at home in her daughter’s house. 

Adrienne was out the door without a word to Bernie but just as she began to close it behind her, Adrienne swung round to say, “I need assurances.” Bernie looked at her with confusion. “I need your word that you won’t say anything to Serena.” she spoke in hushed, harsh tones.

Bernie took a breath, reassuring her quietly, “I told you Adrienne, I’m not going to say anything.” Bernie continued at Adrienne’s look of uncertainty. “If I say anything now then that paints me as a liar, like I was covering for you. And I don’t think Serena would forgive either of us.” Adrienne still wasn’t entirely convinced but Bernie had given her word and that would have to do. 

Bernie watched as Adrienne walked off down the drive before closing the door and making her way through to the kitchen to join Ellie.

x

Serena stood in the doorway to the kitchen, taking in Bernie’s presence, the aroma of a home cooked meal and the unusually quiet stillness of the house before making her own presence known to the blonde. “This is a nice surprise.” Bernie turned, greeting Serena with a smile, she’d been so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t heard Serena come in. “Mmm something smells good.” Serena made her way across the kitchen, coming to stand close at Bernie’s side, peering over her shoulder to see what smelt so good.

“Well, I can’t take all the credit, Ellie helped.”

“Really?” Serena asked in disbelief. “Wow, and where is she?”

“Settled in bed waiting for you to say goodnight.” Bernie answered with the slightest hint of smugness.

Serena shot her a look of surprise. “You got her helping in the kitchen _and_ in bed at a reasonable time?” 

Bernie smiled, chose not to divulge the bribery involved in getting her to go to bed at a reasonable time. “And…” she drew out the word, turning to the counter to retrieve a large glass of Shiraz for Serena.

Serena smiled at the sight, reminded of all those years ago when she’d come home to Bernie after a long day. She accepted the proffered glass gratefully, “A girl could get used to this. Cheers.” and raised the glass in salutation before bringing it to her lips.

Bernie’s eyes remained on Serena, watching as she took a long, tantalisingly slow sip, savouring the flavour. Serena enjoying Shiraz was almost indecent at times. She hummed in pleasure, the stresses of the day beginning to fade away. “Hmm just what I needed.” 

She took another quick sip before placing it back down on the side, her now free hand falling to Bernie’s hip, pulling her close, their bodies flush. “Now…” she began with a familiar quirk of her eyebrow, “there’s just one other thing I need.” Serena leant forward and pressed her lips to Bernie’s who happily reciprocated the kiss. 

When they parted Bernie gently teased, “Good to know where your priorities lie.” 

“You are second only to Shiraz, darling.” Serena told her, reaching up to tuck a stray curl behind her ear before placing a quick, soft kiss to Bernie’s lips.

“I can live with that.” she tells her but then after a moment’s thought adds, “Although Shiraz doesn’t know when you’re in need of a glass and it certainly can’t pour itself.” 

“Okay, okay. You’re my first love.” Serena teased back with a soft chuckle, not realising the weight of her words until she saw Bernie’s smile falter, felt her body stiffen as she quickly turned back to the stove, busying herself with stirring the sauce, leaving Serena to mentally chastise herself for another slip of the l word. With Bernie’s back to her she decided to put some space between them, moved to take hold of her glass once again and take a swift gulp.

The silence that filled the room was uncomfortable and began to drag. Serena was considering excusing herself, telling Bernie she’d go and say goodnight to Ellie, and just hope that Bernie would still be there when she came back down. But it was Bernie, with her focus remaining on the contents of the saucepan, who broke the silence, speaking quietly and somewhat tentatively, “When I was settling Ellie earlier she uh…. she told me she loved me.”

Serena didn’t know how to respond. She was curious to know how Bernie felt about Ellie’s declaration, hoped she was happy, that she felt the same. After all, that’s what it was all about, bringing Bernie into Elinor’s life, allowing her to forge a relationship with her daughter. “And er, what did you say?” Serena asked, slightly nervous to know.

“I told her I loved her too.” Bernie looked up for a brief moment to see Serena smiling softly at her then looked away again. Silence, once again, descended on the room as Bernie considered her next words, gathered the courage to say them. “I love both my girls.” As she spoke, she turned her attention away from the sauce, shyly looking through her fringe to meet Serena’s eyes, to see them glistening with tears and a soft smile lighting her features.

Serena blinked away the tears, her smile widening as she raised an eyebrow, “Is that your way of telling me you love me?”

It wasn’t the most romantic gesture, nor was it how she’d imagined it to happen. It was at least better than the first time she’d told Serena she loved her. Well, not so much told her as shouted it at her. 

Following the death of her father, Serena had struggled with her mental health and, after a particularly bad day, she was once again taking it out on Bernie. After a prolonged argument Serena had shouted in exasperation, “I don’t know why you’re still here. Why you bother.” 

Bernie’s retort was to shout back, “Because I love you.” Stunning Serena into silence, even shocking herself at the confession. Bernie took a breath, her body relaxing and she repeated the words softly, unquestionably, “I love you Serena, and we’ll get through this, together.” 

And here they are again, after all these years, Bernie declaring her love for Serena. Bernie smiled briefly, moving closer to her partner, her love, to reach out and cup her jaw, her thumb caressing her cheek. “I never stopped loving you, Serena.” she spoke with sincerity, gazing deep within Serena’s hazel eyes. “I was so close to telling you the other night.” 

Serena smiled, whispered, “I know.” At Bernie’s look of confusion, Serena chuckled softly and closed the gap between them, their lips meeting in a tender kiss, full of years of emotion, full of love. 

Holding one another close, Serena returned the sentiment, “I love you too. I always have.” There was a softness to her voice that disappeared as she stated humorously, “I mean, I hated you for leaving but…” Taking in a breath, allowing the softness to return to her voice, she continued, “I never stopped loving you.” She closed the small gap between them, resting her forehead against Bernie’s. “And I never will.”


	15. The Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m back with this. I concluded it because it was just all too soft and fluffy but turns out this universe won’t leave me so here I am with more soft fluffiness. Can't promise it will stay that way though ;P

It was now a few weeks since Bernie had come back into Serena’s life, nearly a week since declaring their love for one another and, although Bernie loved spending time with both Serena and Elinor, together as a family, she did miss the freedom of just being a couple; being alone with Serena. She missed spending lazy mornings in bed after a night of raw, unadulterated passion; not having to worry that Ellie will hear, or worse, walk in on them. So, one evening, once Elinor was settled in bed, Bernie decided to ask Serena a question. 

They were sat curled together on the sofa, Bernie’s fingertips dancing over the soft silk of Serena’s blouse as she built up the courage to ask. “So, I was thinking…” Bernie finally, slowly began, waiting for Serena’s hum in response to ensure she was awake and listening before continuing, “…we could go out for dinner. Friday.” She asked almost shyly, a hopeful lilt to her voice. “Just the two of us.”

Serena shifted in Bernie’s arms, sitting up to meet her gaze. “Are you asking me on a date, Bernie?” 

Bernie, relaxing at Serena’s teasing tone, huffed out a gentle laugh. “Yes, I’m asking you on a date.” She realised how silly she was to feel nervous about asking and, with renewed confidence, began to inch closer, her warm breath ghosting over Serena’s cheek, her voice soft, suggestive. “A cosy little Italian. An extensive wine list.” Serena shivered as she felt Bernie’s lips brush the shell of her ear, “Then, maybe… we could go back to mine.” 

Serena pulled back, eyes dark with desire, quick to tell Bernie, “I’ll ask Mum if she can stay with Ellie.” 

x

Adrienne had been slow to agree and Serena found herself searching for excuses, awkwardly explaining that it was just easier to say at Bernie’s, her place being closer to town and it meant she wouldn’t disturb Elinor coming home late. Of course, Adrienne didn’t buy that, knew the real reason but didn’t dwell on it, saw it as an opportunity to spend some quality time with her granddaughter, something she was doing less of now Bernie was in the picture. 

The week passed by all too slowly, four long days and even longer, lonelier nights and finally it was Friday evening. Date night. Serena had spent perhaps a little too long getting ready but she hoped it would be worth it. Knew it was the moment she opened the door and saw Bernie standing there, mouth slightly agape as her eyes raked lustfully over Serena’s curvaceous figure.

So lost in the vision before her, Bernie almost forgot the single red rose she held. “Uh, this is for you.” Bernie spoke shyly, feeling a little self-conscious, she wanted to do this right, wanted everything to be perfect; it was, after all, their first date. Stepping forward to hand Serena the rose, she leant in, her lips caressing Serena’s jaw, a soft lingering touch as she inhaled the intoxicating scent of her perfume. “Mmm you smell good.” She pulled back, her eyes drifting down, settling on Serena’s cleavage. “And you look amazing.”

Serena pointedly tilted Bernie’s chin up to meet her eye, a spark of amusement behind them at getting the reaction she was hoping for in her figure hugging dress with plunging neckline. “Thank you.” Serena spoke softly, pressed her lips to Bernie’s, her fingers moving from her chin along her neck, thumb resting on the curve of her jaw. It was a painfully tender kiss, a kiss full of promise, a kiss that Bernie found herself lost in. 

It was a long moment before she opened her eyes, to meet with Serena’s gazing back at her, so full of love and desire. “Shall we skip dinner and just go straight back to mine?” Bernie teased quietly.

Although she was sorely tempted by the suggestion, Serena mocked offence, “I’m not a cheap date, Berenice. I expect to be wined and dined.” 

“And you will be.” Bernie moved in for another kiss; placing her hand on Serena’s hip, she pulled her close, their bodies flush.

“Bernie!” Elinor came running down the stairs just as their lips brushed. “I want to show you what I made.”

Both smiling, knowing they had the whole night to themselves with no interruptions, they separated; Serena turning away to tell Elinor they didn’t have time, the taxi was waiting. After Ellie had promised she’d behave and Bernie promised she would come round and see her creation tomorrow, they were on their way, settled close in the back of the cab. 

“So, where are you taking me?” Serena asked, she’d been curious to know all week but Bernie wouldn’t give her any more details than she already had; cosy Italian, extensive wine list.

And she wasn’t about to give anything away now either, telling Serena, “It’s a surprise.” 

The taxi pulled into a small side street that looked vaguely familiar to Serena. It wasn’t long before the vehicle came to a stop and Serena started thinking, wondering if Bernie was taking her where she thought she was; were they even still in business after all these years? She did say a cosy little Italian; it couldn’t be the same one.

As they walked through the doors, Serena realised it was. 

“Good evening ladies.” the maître d greeted them with a smile.

“Good evening.” Bernie took a step forward, “I’ve got a table booked, the name’s Wolfe.” 

Serena was looking around the restaurant; it hadn’t changed, in almost a decade it hadn’t changed a bit. “If you’ll follow me.” The young man’s voice and the presence of Bernie’s hand on the small of her back broke Serena from her thoughts; she couldn’t believe that Bernie had done all this, that she had remembered _their_ place.

A bottle of Shiraz was already in place on the table and, after pouring out two large glasses, the waiter left them. Bernie felt a little nervous because Serena hadn’t said anything, she worried perhaps she’d done the wrong thing bringing her here; they should be looking to the future not recreating the past. 

Sensing Bernie’s anxiety, Serena realised she’d been quiet a touch too long, so lost in a whirl of emotion. She slid her hand over the table, reaching for Bernie’s, a reassuring gesture. Bernie looked up, through her fringe, to meet Serena’s gaze, to see the sparkling of emotion within her eyes. Stroking a thumb over Bernie’s knuckles, Serena smiled softly, told her sincerely, “This is perfect, darling. Thank you.”

Letting out a small relieved breath, Bernie returned the smile. “You’re very welcome.”

After a long moment, Serena’s eyes left Bernie’s to take in the room once more. “I can’t believe this place is still here.” 

“Well, some things are meant to be.” Bernie spoke softly, earnestly, giving Serena’s fingers a gentle squeeze as Serena’s gaze returned to Bernie.

The meaning of her words wasn’t lost on Serena, who leant across the small table, Bernie doing the same to meet for a tender kiss. “I love you.”

Bernie returned the sentiment, “I love you too.” stealing another quick kiss before settling back in their seats to enjoy their wine and look over the menu.


	16. The Night of the Date

With the starters and main course enjoyed, a bottle of the finest Shiraz shared along with easy conversation and lingering, longing looks, they were on to dessert. And dessert was an unabashed game of foreplay; feeding one another spoonful’s of tiramisu, their gaze intense, mouths lingering on spoons, tongues slowly licking cream from lips. 

They had barely made it through Bernie’s door before Serena’s lips were on hers, pressing her forcefully against the wall. Bernie fought back for control, only just managing to manoeuvre them so she was able to close the door before Serena pushed back again, regaining the upper hand, her body pressing firmly against Bernie’s. 

It was clear to Bernie that Serena wasn’t going to back down, that she wanted to be in charge tonight. Bernie had organised the perfect romantic evening and Serena was going to show her appreciation. Bernie was willing to let her; for now at least.

With minimal damage, only one photo frame falling to the floor, they made their way to the bedroom, stumbling to the bed before crashing on to it, all messy kisses and wandering hands.

It wasn’t long before Bernie was pulling away, pushing herself off the bed, or at least attempting to, Serena’s mouth chased hers, loath to break contact. Bernie managed to pull away from her lips, just enough to see the confusion on Serena’s face. “What are you– Where are you going?” she asked breathlessly, confused by Bernie’s actions. 

Bernie’s reply was simple. “Bathroom.” 

As Bernie shifted off the bed, Serena groaned in displeasure and Bernie promised, “I won’t be long.”

“Don’t be.” Serena called to her as she watched her dart out of the room. 

Finding herself suddenly lying alone, Serena sighed deeply, ran her fingers through her cropped hair. She was too worked up, desperate to touch Bernie, to have Bernie touch her, just to be left like that. She wondered what Bernie was up to. 

When Bernie re-entered the room several moments later, Serena was surprised and a little disappointed to see she was still fully clothed. Whilst lying alone in the dimly lit room Serena ran through different scenarios in her head of what Bernie could be doing in there, what Bernie may come out wearing. “I thought you might’ve gone to slip into something a little more comfortable.” she teased, knowing Bernie was a no frills, basics kind of gal but it _was_ a special night after all, Serena could but dream. She continued teasing as Bernie made her way over to the bed, “Perhaps a little lacy number. Something for me to play with.” 

Bernie climbed onto the bed. Straddling Serena, she hovered slightly above her, her weight resting on her elbows and knees. Looking down at the brunette, eyes sparkling mischievously and with a coy smile, she told her, “Maybe I did.” She then lowered herself down, positioning herself perfectly over Serena.

Serena took a sharp intake of breath, her eyes went wide as the meaning of Bernie’s words became clear and she felt a definite bulge pressing against her in just the right place. “Are you… have you…” Serena didn’t know what to say. Bernie’s smile widened and she leant down to kiss her as the bulge pressed insistently between Serena’s legs. Serena slipped one hand into blonde curls, deepening the kiss, slid the other down Bernie’s back to grasp her backside, holding her closer, firmer against her as she ground upwards against the delightful pressure.

Serena felt bereft when, after a moment, Bernie’s lips left hers and the firm pressure between her legs eased as Bernie asked nervously, “Is this okay?” Serena stared blankly back at her. “I mean… I know we’ve never…” she trailed off, gesturing with her eyes her meaning. “And we haven’t talked about it. I just– I wanted to make sure it was okay. And… something you want.”

A soft smile spread across Serena’s face, she stroked Bernie’s cheek, a gentle reassuring touch. “I just want you.”

x

After many heavenly, satisfying hours they both flopped back on the bed exhausted, laughing through panting breaths, the surprise addition having been long since forgotten, lying discarded somewhere on the bedroom floor along with their clothes.

“Wow.” The word left Bernie’s mouth in a whoosh of breath.

Serena smiled, humming in agreement. It was a moment before she spoke, a moment to allow her rapid breathing to ease, her jumping pulse to find its usual rhythm. “Can you remember when we used to do that every night?” she questioned, thinking back to the early days of their relationship when they couldn’t get enough of one another, feeling like they were back there now. 

Bernie groaned, stretched out her tired limbs, her voice husky. “God, if we did that every night now it would kill me.” 

Serena chuckled, resting her head to the side to look at Bernie, “You and me both. But…” Serena took a breath, waited for Bernie to turn her face towards her before continuing, “…what a way to go.” 

“Mmm, it was good.” Bernie turned on to her side to fully face Serena, pulling on Serena’s hip, encouraging her to do the same. Holding Serena close, Bernie kissed her, it wasn’t exactly chaste, there was heat to the kiss but, with them both exhausted, they knew it wasn’t going to lead anywhere.

The kiss slowed, Bernie smiled as she pulled away from Serena’s lips, cheekily suggesting, “Maybe we should get your mum to have Elinor every Friday.”

Serena raised her eyebrows, “So we can have sordid sex sessions at your flat? Not sure she’d appreciate that.” 

“No.” Bernie agreed. “No, I don’t think my neighbours would either.” She waited, a small smirk playing on her lips as she watched the realisation dawn on Serena. “I’d forgotten how loud you could be.” 

“Oh God.” Serena groaned, burying her flushed face in the pillow. Bernie laughed softly into Serena’s hair, pressing a lingering kiss to the tousled locks.

“Hey,” Bernie whispered in Serena’s ear, leading her to believe she was going to say something comforting, reassuring. Instead, Bernie teased lightly, “you’re not the one that has to live here.” 

Serena responded with another groan, lifting her head to meet Bernie’s eyes, sparkling with amusement. “I hate you.”

Bernie chuckled lightly, closing the small gap between them to meet Serena’s lips for a gentle, tender kiss, followed by another and another. Then, allowing their heads to gently rest together, she whispered, “I love you.”

Serena returned the sentiment softly, sleepily; tiredness sweeping over her in this perfect moment. Bernie questioned, “Sleep?” Serena hummed, nodded in response but nature was calling. Though she was loath to move from Bernie’s warm embrace, she knew if she didn’t go now she would be awake within the hour.

“Just gonna… bathroom.” she managed to croak out. Placing a quick peck to Bernie’s lips, she rolled out of bed, reached for her blouse, slipping it on as she slowly made her way across the dimly lit room under Bernie’s appreciative gaze. 

Once alone, Bernie pulled up the duvet, settled herself, reflecting on how lucky she is to have Serena back in her life. It wasn’t long before the brunette was sliding into bed, her naked body pressing close to Bernie’s, a luxury they didn’t often afford themselves at Serena’s for fear of Elinor discovering them like that. Obviously Ellie knew they were a couple; that they kissed, shared a bed even but beyond that, they weren’t ready to have _that_ conversation.

They kissed one last time, said their goodnight's and settled down. Bernie held Serena close, their aching bodies resting together, relaxing, Serena’s breath a slow and steady rhythm against Bernie’s skin; she knew it wouldn’t be long until they both drifted off. Bernie’s quiet voice broke through the silent, stillness of the room, “So… next Friday?” A sleepy chuckle was the only response; Serena nestled closer, soon drifting off to sleep in Bernie’s warm embrace; Bernie following shortly after.


	17. The Surprise Visit

The following Friday didn’t see a repeat of the previous one. Bernie was working and, after a busy week of long and tiring shifts, Serena was looking forward to a relaxing evening, curled on the sofa with a glass of wine and a box set. She’d managed to get home at a reasonable time; able to have dinner with Elinor, spend some time together before settling her for the night. 

She was on her way back down the stairs to her waiting bottle of red when she heard a gentle tapping at the front door. Upon opening the door she was pleasantly surprised to see Bernie standing there. “I wasn’t expecting to see you this evening.” 

“Surprise.” Bernie deadpanned followed by a small smile.

Serena moved aside, allowing Bernie through the door, catching her for a quick kiss as she passed. “It’s a nice surprise.” Bernie half-heartedly hummed in acknowledgement before moving away, along the hall as Serena closed the door. “I’ve only just put Elinor to bed if you want to go up.”

Bernie came to a stop, turning round to tell Serena, “Uh, no. I– I don’t want to disturb her.” 

“Okay,” Serena replied softly, nodding, getting the first inkling that something was on Bernie’s mind. “Have you eaten? There’s some left overs if you’re hungry.”

“No, I’m fine thanks.” Bernie replied with a small smile before dropping her gaze. It was then that Serena noticed the large envelope Bernie clutched in her hand.

“Okay,” Serena drawled, a slight frown creasing her forehead, now getting the distinct impression that Bernie called round with a purpose, that there _was_ something on her mind. Serena was scrabbling for things to say now as they stood awkwardly in the hall. “How about a drink? I’ve got a bottle open in the kitchen.” she suggested, already turning to head off in that direction, sure that Bernie wouldn’t refuse a glass of wine. 

“No.” Bernie’s response was a little too urgent, immediately halting Serena’s movement, her concerned frown returning. Bernie went on, softer this time. “Uh, not at the moment. Thank you.” After an uncomfortable pause Bernie added hesitantly, “Um… can we talk?” 

And there it was, what Serena had been expecting and at the same time dreading. “Sure. I’ll er… I’ll just get my wine and join you in the living room.” Even if Bernie didn’t want one, Serena had the feeling that she would need one. They both turned to go their separate ways, then, almost as an after-thought, Serena added, “You’re sure you don’t want a glass?” 

Wanting to keep a clear head but also keen to get on with the conversation, she shook her head. “No, I’m– I’m fine.” And there it was again, that barely there smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “Thanks.”

Once in the kitchen, Serena took a moment to calm her racing mind before pouring out a generous glass of Shiraz, having a couple of sips before moving to join Bernie in the other room. Entering the living room and joining Bernie on the sofa, she noted the stiffness of her posture, the way her fingers toyed with the envelope in her grasp. 

Bernie was quiet, unusually quiet for someone who wanted to talk. Serena was always patient with her, allowing her the time to get her thoughts in order, never pushing for her to open up but she was beginning to worry. “Bernie?” Serena spoke softly, carefully. She placed her wine glass on the coffee table, shifted her position on the sofa, tilting her body more towards Bernie. “What is it? What’s wrong?” 

Bernie wasn’t sure what to say, couldn’t find the words so simply proffered the envelope to Serena, telling her, “This came today.” 

Serena looked down then back up to meet Bernie’s gaze as she took hold of the package uncertainly. “O-kay er…” Bernie gestured with her eyes, telling Serena to open it. Serena flipped it over, her eyes remaining on Bernie’s until she began to unfold the flap and pull out the contents, unsure what she would find. It was a brochure. _Kiev Hospital. Specialist Trauma Unit._ Serena read silently, frowning in confusion. 

Bernie started to explain, “I applied several weeks back, before you and Ellie were in my life. I hadn’t heard anything, forgot all about it.” 

“Right.” Serena said quietly, distracted by the glossy images of the state of the art medical equipment, the realisation of what this meant.

“It’s only for a few weeks, a couple of months at most.” Bernie continued.

Serena decided Bernie was talking as if she was going, as if she had made up her mind already and was just telling Serena as a courtesy. However, Bernie had far from made her decision. If she was honest, she wanted the decision to be made for her, for Serena to tell her not to go, to tell her ‘I don’t want you to go’ but Serena didn’t; wouldn’t. Remembering doing it once before, when Bernie was due to go back on tour, when the news was full of casualties and deaths in Iraq, when she was scared for Bernie’s safety; scared she’d return home in a wooden box draped in a Union Jack. She never forgot Bernie’s response, Bernie telling her it was her duty, the path she’d chosen. Serena never asked again, vowed to herself to never ask again. 

“Only.” Serena breathed a humourless laugh. In the grand scheme of things a couple of months wasn’t that long but they were still in the early stages of their rekindled romance, Bernie still establishing her relationship with Elinor. Serena continued to flick through the pages, taking in key words as her eyes glanced over them, resigning herself to the fact Bernie was leaving. “Well it uh… it certainly seems like your dream job.” 

“It is.” Bernie said without much thought, then went on to correct herself, “Well, it was. My priorities have changed.” Bernie glanced up to meet Serena’s eye. “You and Elinor are my priority now.” 

“And yet you’re leaving.” Serena said, the anger and hurt beginning to show through. She thought Bernie had changed, that she was settled in Holby, especially since discovering she was a mother. All the promises she’d made about being there for them, telling her she wanted them to be a family and now she was leaving, putting her career first; again.

“I haven’t–” she stopped, leaving the word ‘accepted’ unsaid. “I wouldn’t be leaving. I’d just be… going away for a while.” Her voice was meek as she finished that sentence, as Serena huffed out an indignant breath and looked away.

“It’s the same thing.”

“No.” Bernie said firmly, “No, it’s not.” She shifted closer to Serena, reached out to her in desperation. “I could never leave you, Serena.” Bernie was giving Serena every opportunity to tell her not to go but she didn’t take it and she was beginning to get the impression Serena didn’t want her to stay.

But she couldn’t give up, she took a breath, spoke softly, “Serena.” hoping Serena would meet her gaze, she waited but Serena’s eyes remained firmly cast across the room. “Serena, I love you.”

Serena swallowed thickly, holding back tears as she pushed the brochure back to Bernie. “I think you should go.” She wasn’t really thinking, hadn’t realised how the simple action of handing back the brochure combined with those five words could be misconstrued until it was too late. 

Bernie was gone.


	18. The Decision

Serena sat for a long while after the front door closed; thinking, berating herself for not handling the situation very well. A massive understatement, it couldn’t have gone any worse. In their relationship, out of the two of them, Bernie was known to be the one who struggled with her emotions. The one that didn’t communicate well enough, the one to hide behind her British reserve but Serena was guilty of that too; guilty of allowing pride to get in the way of saying what she wanted. And what she wanted was for Bernie to stay.

She poured herself another glass of wine, took hold of her phone and typed out a message. 

x

Bernie arrived back at her flat, threw her keys and phone on the side, downed a double whiskey and headed for bed. That hadn’t gone as expected, not that she really knew what she expected but she had hoped they could discuss it, come to a decision together. It was obvious Serena still held on to the bitterness of her leaving all those years ago, not trusting she won’t do it again, and that hurt; knowing the woman she loved didn’t trust her.

Bernie barely slept that night, thinking of Serena, of those final words she’d spoken. Try as she might, she couldn’t clear her head of thoughts of the brunette, the woman she loved so deeply. The faint hint of Serena’s perfume still lingered on her pillow, a painful reminder of how everything had changed. Only a week ago they were happy and in love, rolling around, uninhibited in this very bed, Serena screaming her name in ecstasy. Now Bernie was alone.

Unable to lie there any longer, she dragged herself out of bed; relocating to the sofa, she turned on the television, hoping the mindless noise of home shopping would help quiet her mind. She must’ve drifted off because now there was a children’s programme lighting up the room, and she remembered Serena telling her it was Elinor’s favourite when she was little. She smiled as she watched the brightly coloured characters bouncing around the screen, imagining a young Elinor bouncing around with them, giggling and babbling. 

She let out a long sigh; she had a decision to make.

x

Serena’s attempt at sleep didn’t fare any better, she spent the night constantly checking her phone, the harsh brightness of the screen lighting up the darkened room, waiting for a response from Bernie; a response that never came. 

She too must’ve eventually drifted off, waking to the dim sunlight creeping in around the closed curtains. With a groan she wiped at her face, feeling the effects of the previous night’s alcohol consumption. Remembering the message she’d sent, the message to Bernie that went unanswered, she reached for her phone, her heart pounding with anticipation, with hope that there would be a reply. But nothing. No message.

Serena sighed, flopped back down against the bed, looked to the empty space beside her, the space that Bernie had so often occupied over the past few weeks, a sad smile gracing her lips at the memories of waking to Bernie in her bed. She couldn’t let her go, this couldn’t be the end. Bernie had told her she loved her and she’d told her to go, she had to fix this. Serena quickly took hold of her phone, considered calling but it was still early so she sent off another text.

x

Bernie got out of the shower, dried off and threw on some clothes. She padded through to the living room in search of her cigarettes, found them on the side with her phone where she’d left it discarded the previous night. Unlocking the phone she saw she had two new messages. 

She clicked on the icon, opening the message window and read the first one, read that it was sent last night. ‘I don’t want you to go’ Bernie took a breath in, those were the words she had wanted to hear. She stared at them, reading and re-reading before her eyes drifted down the newest message, received not long ago. ‘I love you x’

x

Serena was sat in the garden, hunched over on the bench, phone in hand; still nothing from Bernie. She dropped her head in her hands, began berating herself, muttering, “Stupid, stupid woman.”

“Serena?” A soft, unexpected voice startled her. She immediately rose to her feet, her gaze locking on to dark brown eyes looking softly, cautiously back at her.

“Bernie.” she spoke on a breath, her heart pounding as she searched for the words to say. They both stood stock still, unsure of their next move, then, Serena started moving closer, Bernie doing the same, subconsciously gravitating towards one another, their eyes remaining locked. “Bernie, I–” Serena tried but apologies died on her lips; there were no words that felt enough to express her feelings. 

They were now stood face to face, mere inches apart, eyes searching each other’s for answers. Bernie’s answer came suddenly when Serena shot forward, claiming her lips in a determined kiss. She stood momentarily stunned by the force of Serena’s lips on hers; it took a moment for her brain to catch up, to kiss her back fervently. Finding a rhythm and settling into the kiss, she wrapped her arms around Serena, holding her close.

“I don’t want you to go.” Serena murmured breathlessly against her lips, barely more than a whisper. She pulled back, combed her fingers through Bernie’s hair, brushing it away from her eyes to look deep within them and tell her, “I should’ve said it when you were here, I should’ve told you I–” 

Serena’s words were cut off by Bernie’s lips on hers, a forceful, lingering kiss followed by a gentler, tender caress. 

Bernie touched their foreheads together for a brief moment before drawing back, telling Serena simply, “I’m not going anywhere.” Her hand came to rest flat against Serena’s shoulder, her thumb lightly stroking the exposed skin of her clavicle. So many more words could have been said but they didn’t need them, not in this moment. 

They would talk about it at a later time, when they were alone in bed, the conversation ending with Serena whispering words of apology, words of love in Bernie’s ear, against her naked skin, between her thighs. 

“Can we go to the park now?” Ellie called from the doorway. She’d been waiting, not wanting to interrupt whatever it was her parents were discussing but as she watched them just standing, staring at one another as if in some kind of trance, she decided it was time.

Slowly snapping out of their daze they both turned towards where their daughter stood, looking impatient. “Yes Ellie, we’ll be there in a sec.” Bernie called back.

With Elinor disappearing back inside, Serena turned back to Bernie, a questioning look on her face. “The park?”

“Ah yeah, I er… I told her we’d go to the park if she gave us a few minutes alone.” Bernie explained a little sheepishly, quickly going on to say, “You don’t have to come, I can take her. It was my promise.”

“Bribe.” Serena gently corrects her. “You’re learning. Bribery is the best parenting technique.” Serena flashed a smile before heading in, calling back over her shoulder, “Come on, you can push me on the swing.” Bernie laughed, hurrying to catch up to her, to wrap an arm around her waist and playfully tug her close.


	19. The Step Down

Bernie finished work slightly earlier than planned and, as was becoming increasingly common, she headed straight to Serena’s. She’d let herself in with her key, a recent development in their relationship. It was done all very unceremoniously, Serena simply handing over a key to her home as they hurried out the front door one morning, causing Bernie to stop in her tracks. “Purely for practical reasons.” Serena had told the blonde at the look of something akin to panic on her face, adding in her familiar teasing tone. “I won’t be putting your name on the mortgage just yet, darling.” 

Quietly entering the house Bernie could hear the low hum of the television in the living room and, expecting both Elinor and Serena to be in there, made her way to join them. But as she pushed open the door she found Elinor was alone, sat curled up in the corner of the sofa, staring blankly at the TV.

“Hey you.” Bernie spoke softly, sensing all was not right with her daughter.

Elinor only just managed to take her eyes off the telly to offer a half-smile in Bernie’s direction and a quiet murmur of, “Hi.”

Bernie perched down next to her, cast her eye over to the TV and asked, “What’re you watching?” Elinor just shrugged, she didn’t know, she wasn’t really watching anything, it was just on. Bernie tried another question, “Did you have a good day at school?” 

Another shrug followed by a mumbled response, “Was okay.”

This wasn’t like Elinor at all, usually she’d ramble on excitedly, sharing stories from her day, in turn wanting to know about Bernie’s day; but not tonight. Bernie had never seen her like this, had never had to deal with her like this before. At a loss of what else to say, she sat silently, joining Ellie in staring blankly at the TV. Finally, unable to take the tension, she casually asked, “Where’s your mum?” 

“In the kitchen, working on some _important_ report.” Elinor replied snidely, huffed out a breath before continuing sadly, “We were going to watch a film together but she’s too busy.” 

The reason for Elinor’s despondency now becoming clear, Bernie hoped she could cheer her up. “I’ll tell you what,” Bernie began, drawing her daughter’s attention away from the TV, “you choose a film, I’ll go get us some snacks, say hi to your mum, then me and you can watch together. Okay?” Ellie brightened at that, nodded enthusiastically and immediately reached for the remote, scrolling through the options while Bernie made her way along the hall to the kitchen.

Serena was sat at the kitchen table insistently typing away at her laptop. Her fingers continued to type but she briefly glanced up from the screen at the sight of Bernie hovering in the doorway, she’d hung back not wanting to interrupt Serena’s flow. “Two seconds.” Serena said.

A long moment passed before she stopped typing with a flourish, triumphantly reaching for her glass to take a well-earned sip of wine before giving Bernie her attention and an affectionate smile, “Hi. I wasn’t expecting you yet.”

“Managed to get away early.” she said, taking a step into the room. “I’m going to watch a film with Ellie; do you want to join us?”

Serena sighed. “I wish I could, I’ve got to get this done for tomorrow.” she said, gesturing to the screen with her wine glass still in hand. She took another sip before placing it back down on the table, ready to continue.

Bernie moved over to stand behind her, trying to tempt her; draping her arms over her shoulders she leant down close, nuzzled against Serena’s cheek, peppering the soft skin with kisses. “We can snuggle on the sofa.” 

Serena groaned regretfully, turned her face towards Bernie and captured her lips for a quick kiss. “I’m sorry.” 

“Okay. Okay, if you’re sure I can’t tempt you?” Bernie tried one last time; receiving a sad smile and an apologetic look she moved away, across the kitchen in search of snacks.

Arms now laden with treats to take back to Elinor, she passed by Serena, dropped a kiss into her hair and said, “Join us when you’re done.” knowing in all likeness Serena wouldn’t be joining them..

And she didn’t. Bernie spent the evening alone with Ellie snuggled under her arm, an animated film playing; she couldn’t say what it was, although she laughed in all the right places, her mind was elsewhere.

She knew Serena had a lot of responsibilities with work; there was a lot of admin involved with running a ward, not to mention the extra workload that went along with being deputy CEO. She was aware that it affected her relationship with Elinor but in the couple of months she’d been in their lives hadn’t witnessed it first-hand. And she certainly hadn’t been on the receiving end; they’d always made time for each other. Maybe that was just how it was going to be now; they were at that comfortable, domestic stage of their relationship, settled into mundane family life.

Serena was still at her laptop, still engrossed in whatever it was she was working on when Bernie returned downstairs having put Elinor to bed. It wasn’t until Bernie spoke that Serena noticed her presence. “Ellie’s settled so I’m going to head off now.” 

“What?” Serena’s hands stilled against the keys and she quickly looked up from the screen. “You’re not staying?” 

She’d enjoyed her time with Elinor but now, with her in bed, saw no reason to stay, and it wasn’t like Serena had given her reason to. “No. I’ve uh, I’ve got an early start tomorrow.” 

“That doesn’t usually stop you.” Serena said jauntily, smiling, not realising the situation afoot.

“Oh well,” Bernie said, searching for a viable excuse. “it’s been a long day. And you’re busy; I’ll let you get on.”

“I’m nearly done then I’ll be with you.” Bernie didn’t seem to be convinced by Serena’s words so she tried a different tactic, repeating Bernie’s earlier words with a suggestive smile and a well-placed raised eyebrow, “We can snuggle on the sofa.” 

Bernie smiled softly as she moved over to Serena, leading the brunette to believe she’d convinced Bernie to stay but she leant down, kissed Serena’s waiting lips, lingering a little before pulling back, telling her, “I’ll call you tomorrow.” And she was gone.

Serena sat staring after Bernie’s retreating figure, confused by her sudden departure. She rested back in the chair, her eyes falling on the document open on the screen, staring at all the words she’d spent the evening typing and realised her mistake. She hadn’t meant to spend the whole evening tapping away at her keyboard, wanted to spend the time with her family but, so caught up in her work, that time escaped her.

Distracted by thoughts of her own stupidity, it was a long while before she finished the report, before she finally dragged herself upstairs. She’d stopped at Elinor’s room, stood in the doorway watching her as she slept before continuing on to the bathroom and finally to the comfort of her bed.

She lay there waiting for sleep to come but her mind was buzzing. She rolled over on to her side, hoping the change in position would help sleep come but she just stared at the empty space where Bernie should be tonight, where she wants Bernie to be every night.

Bernie was brave, choosing her family over an amazing career opportunity, Serena realised she needed to be brave too, needed to prioritise what’s important to her. So, after a fitful night’s sleep, she arrived early for work the next day, headed straight to Hanssen’s office with the report; her ‘last report as deputy CEO’ she informed him among the tumble of words that poured from her as soon as she stepped foot in his office. She left the office feeling lighter, as if a weight had been lifted from her and she immediately text Bernie, apologising for the previous night and asking her round for dinner that night.

Of course Bernie readily accepted and that evening found herself sat at Serena’s kitchen table sharing confused looks with Elinor as Serena floated around the kitchen, joyfully humming a classical tune. 

Dinner was soon served and Serena sat down to join them, taking hold of her glass and raising it. “A toast.” Although confused by Serena’s seemingly carefree nature, Bernie followed suit. “To my new-found freedom from the tyranny of the boardroom.” she stated proudly only to be met with two confused faces. She went on to elaborate, “I’ve stepped down as deputy CEO. So I’ll have more time for what’s really important to me.” 

“You’ll be a proper mum?” Elinor asked, excited at the prospect.

Serena smiled weakly, felt a little hurt that Elinor didn’t consider her a ‘proper mum’, whatever that was. “Well, I still run the ward so I can’t promise I’ll always be home on time.” she explained to Ellie. “but it does mean less paperwork so I will have more time for you.” Serena dropped her hand down to cover Bernie’s, waited for her to meet her eye before saying, “For both of you.” 

Bernie remained quiet throughout dinner, she joined in the conversation but found her thoughts wandering. She knew how career minded Serena was, always had been, it was a trait they once shared. Of course she was happy with Serena’s decision, happy they’d get more time together as a family but she was concerned at the pace of which it had happened. 

Now alone with Serena as they tidied the kitchen, she brought up what was on her mind, asked her, “Are you sure this is what you really want?” 

Serena stopped what she was doing, turned to Bernie. “I realised what’s important, and– the other week when you told me about Kiev,” Bernie looked to be about to interrupt, Serena raised her hand to stop her. “You said that Elinor and I, that we’re your priority. And of course it’s the same for me. You, Bernie,” she stepped closer to the blonde, pulled her into her arms. “you and Ellie are what’s important, not the board of the hospital. Not working all hours on presentation’s and reports no one’s interested in when I could be with the two most important people in my life.” Serena spoke with sincerity and soon found herself lost in a sensation she would never tire of, Bernie’s lips on hers. When the kiss ended they stayed close, Serena telling her, “I want us to look to the future.”


	20. The Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end... again. This time it really is the end. Thank you so much to all those that read, left kudos and commented, it means a lot.

Serena began to wake; to slowly open her eyes to the dawn light seeping into the room, their room; to blink her eyes open and focus on Bernie lying just inches away, gazing affectionately at her, a soft smile lighting her features. It’s been two years and she’s yet to tire of waking this way, knows she never will.

It wasn’t long after she had stepped down as deputy CEO that Serena decided to share with Bernie something she’d been thinking for a while. That she wanted to begin and end every day in the same way; with her. So, after much discussion and reasoning, Bernie put her flat on the market, Serena doing the same with her house and they bought a place together. A larger, leafy detached on the edge of Holby. A family home.

The weeks between finding the perfect family home and moving in passed by all too slowly, especially for Elinor, who was beyond excited at the prospect of being a proper family, of having both her parents officially living under one roof; even though Bernie was already practically living with them.

She’d pretty much ceased living at her flat, would spend most nights at Serena’s, only returning occasionally to check for mail and gather a change of clothes. And, if the couple were lucky enough to get Adrienne to agree to mind Elinor for the night, spend some quality alone time together. 

Adrienne had slowly become more accepting of Bernie, recognising that she was in her family’s life to stay; and had to admit, albeit begrudgingly, that Bernie did make both her daughter and granddaughter happy.

When moving day finally arrived, they were woken by an all too excited Elinor bounding into the bedroom long before the alarm was due to go off. With a long and tiring day ahead of them, and not exactly getting the early night they’d planned, they were in need of their sleep. After a lot of promises, or bribes, they eventually managed to persuade her back to bed, leaving them to get another, much needed, hour’s sleep. 

It was later that day, whilst unpacking the many boxes they had between them, that Bernie discovered something she long since thought lost. However, it wasn’t among her possessions. No, the item in question was in one of Serena’s boxes. “Huh, I often wondered what happened to this.” 

Serena looked up from the box she was elbow deep in to see Bernie pulling out a tatty, greyish white T-shirt. Immediately knowing what it was, Serena felt a slight blush colouring her cheeks. Bernie moved across the room, sat herself down on the bed, fingers tracing over the faded RAMC logo emblazoned on the front. “You kept it.” she stated with a questioning tone, her eyes finding Serena’s.

Serena gave a small smile, nodding before rising to her feet to move over and sit beside Bernie on the bed, their eyes meeting once again. “You kept it.” Bernie repeated with a smile. “All these years.” 

“I did.” Serena returned the smile, their eyes lingering a moment.

Bernie sighed, drew her gaze away from Serena’s, back down to the garment with a frown. “It’s not exactly in the condition I left it.” she stated, studying the various stains now adorning her much loved T-shirt. Pointing to one prominent mark she’d been eyeing curiously, she asked, “What’ this?” 

Serena gently grasped the fabric, fingers brushing Bernie’s as she ran her thumb over the material, evoking near forgotten memories. “I believe that’s pureed bolognaise.”

Bernie looked to Serena questioningly, “Pureed?”

Serena explained about one particular night when Elinor was only a few weeks old and she just would not settle. “I was exhausted, just wanted to sleep but Ellie had other ideas, insisted on screaming the house down into the early hours. I found myself sat at the window, looking up to the stars, wondering where you were, what you were doing.” Bernie’s hand found Serena’s, held it gently, encouragingly. “I was tired, missing you, worrying I couldn’t do it alone. So I dug out your old T-shirt, wrapped her in it and rocked her to sleep with stories of her fantastic, fearless Mama Wolfe.

“It became routine after that, a well versed fairy tale.” Serena looked up, met Bernie’s damp eyes with her own. 

“You used to tell her about me?” Bernie questioned quietly in slight disbelief.

“Of course.” Serena assured her firmly then continued on sadly, “Well, when she was tiny, before she could understand… but I knew I would tell her about you one day, it was always the plan.” Serena looked back down at the stained material. “And I wanted her to have something of yours, something of her Mama Wolfe’s.” she smiled as she spoke those last two words. 

It was later that night, the three of them sat eating pizza, when Elinor revealed she’d overheard Serena referring to Bernie as Mama Wolfe and had quickly decided she liked it, that she wanted to call Bernie ‘mama’. They discussed it and, although Bernie had never really thought about it, she had to admit it warmed her heart to hear Elinor address her that way. It took some time to adjust but It soon became the norm, rolling off Ellie’s tongue as if it were the most natural thing in the world, as if she’d been calling Bernie ‘mama’ her whole life.

After what had been an exhausting day for all, Elinor had been happy to take herself to bed, leaving her parents to sort a few more bits out before they did the same. Serena, sat propped up in bed, chuckled to herself when Bernie emerged from the en suite sporting her newly rediscovered shirt, her much missed favourite sleepwear item. “I missed it.” the blonde said in way of explanation as she slid into bed, shifting close to Serena.

“And I missed you in it.” Serena responded with a sultry tone, wasting no time in capturing Bernie’s lips, running her hands over the soft fabric, only slightly annoyed that it still fit her perfectly. The item of clothing didn’t stay on Bernie’s body long, not once Serena’s hands found their way under the fabric, gliding up Bernie’s abdomen, cupping a breast, teasing a nipple.

Exhausted from a long day of unpacking, another ahead of them tomorrow, they made love languorously; Serena never could resist Bernie in that top. And it soon made its way back into Bernie’s rotation of sleepwear. Bernie often found herself waking with Serena’s hand under the material, resting against her bare skin.

It’s how she woke the next morning, the first morning in their new family home; and how she woke this morning, just over two years since first waking in Serena’s bed. Although the well-worn T-shirt has been replaced with a soft, flannel pyjama shirt, Serena’s hand still found its way beneath the fabric to rest on the soft skin of Bernie’s side. 

As she watched Serena’s eyes slowly open and focus on hers, she greeted her softly, “Morning.”

“Hmm, morning.” Serena, voice thick with sleep, spoke lazily, taking in the sight of messy blonde curls, shining eyes and a soft smile; a smile that Serena just had to press her lips to.

It was rare to have moments like this, to be able to ease into wakefulness rather than be forced, either by the persistent sound of their alarm or Elinor’s insistence. But with Elinor at her gran’s for a couple of days and nowhere for them to be just yet, they could luxuriate in waking together slowly and quietly. Knew these moments would become increasingly rare, perhaps even non-existent, so they were determined to enjoy it.

Drawing back from the lingering kiss, Bernie quietly and simply stated, “Today’s the day.”

Serena hummed in acknowledgement, “I can’t wait.”

“You can’t wait?!” Bernie exclaimed, a hint of teasing in her tone. “Imagine how I feel.”

“Not long to go now.” Serena assured the blonde, her hand sweeping over Bernie’s abdomen, their soft gazes fixed. 

The moment lingered, and although Bernie was loath to break it, she knew they needed to make a move before one, if not both of them drifted back off to sleep. “Coffee?” 

“Mmm that sounds good.” At Serena’s reply, Bernie started to shift her weight, to begin the process of easing herself out of bed but Serena stopped her, “But I’ll go.” In answer to the questioning look she received, Serena said, “No offence, darling but it takes you half an hour to get out of bed.” With a quick kiss to Bernie’s forehead, creased in mock indignation, Serena rolled out of bed and headed downstairs.

When she returned to the bedroom several minutes later, Bernie was sat, propped up against the headboard, one hand smoothing over the fabric covering her stomach. She inhaled deeply, “Oh, that coffee smells good.”

Setting her mug down on the side, Serena settled herself beside Bernie; reaching her hand over to rest next to her partner’s, she told her, “Just as soon as these two are broken out, I’ll shout you one of 'Pulses' finest.”

It came as a surprise to Bernie when Serena first mentioned having a baby; it wasn’t something she’d thought about. Before Elinor had been introduced into her life, she’d reached a point where she’d accepted she was never going to be a mum, had resigned herself to the fact that, at her age, ever so slightly over forty, it just wasn’t going to happen.

Serena hadn’t really given it much thought either; that was until she saw Bernie holding Fletch’s latest arrival, watched her cooing over him, then found it was all she could think about. She shared her thoughts with Bernie casually one night whilst they shared the bathroom, readying themselves for bed; Bernie with a mouthful of toothpaste and unable to form a coherent response. 

Perhaps not the best time to initiate an in depth conversation but after days of trying and failing to find the right time and the courage needed she just had to get it off her chest. A similar thing happened a few days later. They were alone in the kitchen, Serena’s hands in a bowl of water, washing plates before handing them over to Bernie to dry, when Serena suddenly asked, “Which one of us do you think should carry the baby?”

Bernie looked at Serena blankly, blinked a couple of times, processing the question but before she could voice her thoughts, Serena was continuing in a nervous, rambling fashion. “Obviously I’ve done it before and the experience wasn’t so bad I wouldn’t do it again, well twenty seven hours labour but it was worth it as soon as I held her.” Serena seized her rambling, turned to meet Bernie’s eyes, suggesting softly, “I thought maybe you’d like to.” Too anxious to hold Bernie’s gaze she turned back to the sink, her words spilling out once again, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to, like we need one each because I don’t think of it that way.” 

“Serena.” Bernie tried to interrupt softly but failed. 

“Ellie’s as much your daughter as she is mine, it doesn’t matter who–” 

“Serena.” Bernie’s voice was firmer this time, successfully halting Serena’s rambling. “I know.” She assured her with a gentle squeeze to her arm. “And…” Bernie drawled, waiting for Serena to look at her. “I would love to carry our child.” Serena’s hands were out of the water, round Bernie’s shoulders in seconds, covering her in suds as she pulled her close, kissing her firmly. 

They wasted no time in booking an appointment, setting the wheels in motion and soon found themselves, after two unsuccessful attempts, at their first scan. It was then, discovering Bernie was carrying twins and taking into account her age and medical history, Serena had suggested they consider a planned caesarean. Initially Bernie wasn’t too keen on the idea but after seeking advice and after numerous conversations she’d agreed.

And today was the day; the day they welcome their twins into the world. Arriving at the hospital after their lazy morning in bed, everything seemed to happen so fast. Serena had remained at Bernie’s side throughout, just as she had promised, just as she had at the insemination a little over eight months previously; holding her hand throughout, only letting go when it was time to cut the cords, time to meet their new arrivals. 

They were soon settled in a side room, enjoying some quiet bonding time with the little ones, when they heard footsteps and voices carrying along the corridor. A slightly out of breath Adrienne chastising her granddaughter, “Elinor Elizabeth McKinnie, I told you not to run off.”

“It’s McKinnie-Wolfe, Gran.” They heard Elinor correct her and shared a smile. They’d decided quite early on in the pregnancy that the twin’s surname would be McKinnie-Wolfe and it was Bernie that nervously suggested they speak to Elinor about the possibility of changing her name. And of course Elinor readily agreed.

Ellie hurried through the door, not waiting for Adrienne to catch up, and headed straight over to the bed, to where Serena was perched beside Bernie, each cradling a baby in their arms. “Oh, they’re so tiny.” Her eyes were alight as she looked between her new siblings, both sound asleep in their parent's arms.

Adrienne followed in and Serena proudly began the introductions, “Ellie, Mum, this is Cameron.” 

“A little brother?! I’ve got a little brother?” Elinor asked excitedly.

“You have.” Serena said, beaming at her daughter’s enthusiasm. “And…” she drawled, looking to Bernie, to the baby in her arms.

“And…” Bernie repeated as she took over the introduction from Serena, “a little sister. This is Charlotte.”


End file.
